I just need to vent to some strangers and maybe get some advice/courage…
Backstory: I've been working at a restaurant for 5 years, and have been the GM of this restaurant for the past 1.5 years. My husband worked as a GM of a related restaurant for 4 years until recently when he got a job as a software developer, which he worked very hard for and is very happy with. He quit somewhat abruptly considering he backed out of a commitment he verbally made, but did give 4 weeks notice. His hours are now 7am-3pm M-F, while I work 3pm-11pm Tues-Sat.
The past month has taken a huge toll on our relationship. We are the type of couple that likes to spend a lot of time together. And with this new situation, we only see each other for about 20 waking hours each week. It's just not sustainable for us.
I called for a meeting with one of the owners of the restaurant today and started with the fact that this past month has been hard, the schedule doesn't feel sustainable anymore and I've been very unha-
He cut me off. He said “I'm very disappointed with you and your husband. Your timing is terrible. When do you want to be done then?” (His point about the timing is because we are about to head into our busy summer season)
I said, “I'm not trying to quit right now. I just wanted to try and talk to you about how I'm unhappy because that's what you told me you wanted me to do. Talk to you instead of just letting it fester. Try and find a solution together.”
I almost walked out right then and there, picked up my purse and started. He got flustered and half ass apologized and tried to say ok, let's try and talk about it.
But then, instead of offering any solutions, he continued to berate me and tell me I'm wrong in different ways for about 40 minutes. Things he said include:
– Lots of people work different hours than their spouse. Adults work jobs. Some people even get deployed and don't see their family for a long time.
– My own life sucks right now. I have to do things I don't want to do all the time. And sometimes you just have to bear through it for a while.
– Your husband backed out of a commitment he made. And now you're making a decision based off his decision.
– Any job becomes a dead end the moment you believe it is a dead end.
I went in to the meeting hoping to find a way to keep working at this job that I'm good at and I like. I really really like most of my coworkers. The only reason I wasn't just quitting right now is because I would feel terrible leaving my friends/coworkers high and dry right at the beginning of summer.
But I left that meeting feeling like I need to get out ASAP.. And now I'm very sad and confused…