I am panicking and typing quickly so I apologize if the wording is off. I don’t have the guts to even read it back and correct it I just need help! I am tagging NSFW due to language I’m sorry if that’s incorrect.
I woke up sick on Tuesday morning so I called into work. I didn’t throw up again but I wasn’t feeling better later on and still don’t. I was scheduled to work tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday so I had Wednesday off. Today is not Friday. Mentally, I’ve been awful lately. I won’t get too into detail because this will end up being a novel. It’s hard for me to get out of bed everyday and find any motivation to do anything I just hate everything right now and I can’t find a reason to move forward. I also haven’t been eating lately. I’ve had not even 3 full meals the past few days. I’ve slept all day everyday since tuesday. I haven’t reached out to my managers and let them know what’s up. I was supposed to pick up my paycheck today as well but I’m too ashamed to go in or reach out at all. I’ve been asleep all day everyday and the moments I’m away I’m shaking myself for who I am and what I’m causing. I need my paycheck so I can pay rent next week but I already know I won’t don’t have a job anymore.
I don’t know what to do. I still haven’t said anything to my managers or any co workers. I’ve gotten one call and I was asleep and they left a message wondering what’s up and now I really do feel sick because fuck I don’t know what to do or why the fuck I did this. I’m so lazy and a piece of shit I was actually doing good and getting on a good schedule and now I’m back at the bottom where I was. I dont know what to do I wish I could just die so I never have to face anyone again. I’m fucked and I fucked up big time I feel so bad for my coworkers. And this is just weeks after 2 other co workers did the exact same and I was like wtf and mad about it now here I am doing the exact same thing!! I have no idea what to say to them or to anyone at this point. I’m so ashamed and disgusting and disappointed in myself. I hate myself.