Howdy folks,
Before I start my story, I am open to constructive criticism, please refrain from insults or shit posting… Very much appreciated.
I'm an American who's lived outside the US for a little over a decade and I'm in my early 30s.
So I live in the UK now for almost 1 year and a half after living in Portugal for almost 4 years prior (miss that place). My work has always been within the marketing field, mainly focused on copywriting for companies and startups for about 7-8 years total as a full-time freelancer and/or between odd jobs and a good few years in-house with an agency.
I arrived in the UK in October 2020 right before the second wave pandemic on job prospects that had promised me a position as a full-time in-house copywriter at a fancy marketing agency.
A week after landing, the country went into full-on lockdown, mind you I was working remotely with them since Portugal. A week later they started cutting staff loose until eventually, my turn came around under the pretext that they longer had the budget to keep my role available and “first come first go” (I was under a probation period so this made this process a breeze for them).
Devastated, and without any options soon after, or anytime after that, I had to get back to work. I ended up being a part-time delivery driver while I still hung on to some freelance clients to keep myself steady in my craft. I did this until October 1st 2021 when a car ran me off my brand new motorcycle causing me a near-fatal accident that smashed me up really good and broke my left clavicle (I didn't cause this).
This immediately stopped my delivery “career” within the gig economy and had me on bed rest for nearly 2 months. Regardless, I still was able to maintain my freelance contracts as my hands still worked to type and even picked up a new part-time freelance copywriting job (interviewed while still banged up).
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago when I FINALLY got a chance to pass the final interview, after countless others, endless CVs (resume), and hours and hours of job hunting… I even have a dedicated rejection folder.
Bam! Got the job!
Super happy, feeling good and ready to rock my role.
The job is a Technical Copywriting position (mainly remotely), to which I met all the conditions and have worked with another tech, it, ai, ml companies in the past so I was familiar with the language.
Got this!
Wrong!
1st couple of days required me to come into the office, mind you 3-4 hours from London. Commute = Bus, Metro, Train, Car to the office (in that order).
1st day, arrive at the train station at 7:09 am, my train was scheduled for 7:11. Being unfamiliar with the place and my ticket not specifying the time, I ask the gatekeeper for assistance — he looks at his screen and says, “yeah, unfortunately, you're not going to make it, next one leaves at 7:44”. Automatically late 30min late (red flag). Got there late to an annoyed boss… On the first day.
Met the gang, everyone was ok friendly, not very excited to meet me, but happy enough to provide a warmish welcome and quickly went about their day as normal. (Weird not being in an office setting after an entire pandemic). I even brought a baker's dozen doughnuts.
2nd day, I was set up in a shabby little hotel walking distance from the office(was told 5min walk). After getting ready, shower and all, I had 10min to get there and a text from the boss ” didn't see you on my drive to the office, called to see if you needed a lift since its pissing rain” at 8:45. With speed, I carry all my shit with one arm making my way towards the office, I arrive at the office at 9:01 soaked (1min late) and I'm quickly greeted by one of my new colleagues who said, “I saw you walking, but felt like where I was I couldn't pull over”… I saw her pass, she could have saved me 3-4min and drier.
On the 2nd day I'm overwhelmed with a slew of projects on extremely tight deadlines and have to deep dive into platforms and CRMs I've never used before. After the end of the 2nd day, the boss drives me to the station and tells me ” I was hoping to see you produce more and get to work on some of the tasks I've handed you over already…” Along with a bunch of other incredibly pressuring talks on how it's a “hit the ground running” position he hired me for — impossible.
I was so shaken up by his talk and pressure my anxiety shot through the roof, for the first time experienced imposter syndrome, and writer's block just smashed my brain due to the other issues. And my 1st week was just a mess after that.
My review pops up last Friday on my absolute shitshow of a 1st-week performance, where even my salary was thrown in my face (10,000 less annually than the national average) as a pretext for him investing in me to do my job as a senior role since day one. AND, he will reduce my 6months probation period — to this week.
This week rolls around, and he's decided to provide plenty more “support” while he takes a week off work to rest his mind from so many projects and pressure from the workload of this month and following weeks when he gets back (a.k.a extremely busy).
After what I felt was a considerably productive 2 days, he reviews my work and nitpicks every possible nook-n-cranny he can spot and decides to micromanage a few things throughout today. I'm under an electron microscope.
My anxiety has flared up again, and I feel that shit feeling creeping up again from last week.
I have this week to “prove myself and my salary's value” or I'm canned because “on my ship, I have no room for passengers (repeatedly).
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN AT THIS POINT!
(which apparently is looking like it's not going to cut it)
I feel like absolute garbage, insulted, embarrassed, humiliated, and completely overwhelmed by a nasty feeling of absolute incompetence. But I need the job…
I'm almost certain this is it for me after this week… Call it a gut feeling.
I'd like to clear up that he and his wife are the owners and seem like genuinely sweet people, but I did not witness a healthy work/life balance at this place or from most of the new colleagues. They worked overtime (unpaid), ate lunch while working (1hour break), and half showed up 20-30min early. The team is 8 people, 9 with me.
What do I make of this?
Feeling very devastated even before the fact.
I'm ok with the “life lessons through failure” philosophy, and I'll extract from that now and when the time comes. I just feel like I keep getting dealt a bad hand.
Just genuinely bummed the hell out…
PS: This was one of the worst “onboarding” experiences I've ever had. Was provided great tech and equipment, but the rest of the experience was to be desired and pretty damn frustrating.
PPS: I have a CT scan on my shoulder this Friday to layout my bones before I have an eventual surgery on my clavicle (conservative self-healing didn't work to top it off) woo-hoo. Then I'll probably hear the bad news sometime during the end of the same day.