Hi everyone,
I (F25) just quit my job today in childcare. I had planned a speech to my boss and everything about how so much was going on in my personal life, and something had to give. I was going to give two weeks and everything, but come this morning when I was going to go in and tell her, I felt such a deep sense of dread and anxiety that I panicked.
I ended up calling her. And lying. And making up an emergency excuse as to why I couldn't come in the rest of the week and would have to leave, and come pick up my stuff later. I was crying on the phone, and have been crying since. I feel SO guilty for leaving them one person down, especially because I only started a month ago. She was also so sweet and said she was said because they loved having me there, and she is willing to have me back if needed when I “figure this out”. I was there because my future career (I'm working towards a Master's for it too) requires childcare experience, which I have already, but I wanted some more and did not expect this job to be so difficult.
Some staff were lovely, but my co-classroom manager was so unkind and critical and constantly left supervision to me (we worked with really young toddlers). I felt drained every single day and could barely convince myself to drag myself to work each morning. I got really physically sick with an infection from the kids because I worked myself too hard and was out for several days (and I'm on a “trial period” and don't get PTO for 90 days, so it was unpaid). The center was also really poorly run with little consistency for the kids, there were mold issues, they were under close watch by the DHS for previous incidents, etc.
I think my guilt comes from the fact that I feel so terrible for leaving the kids. I genuinely LOVE working with kids, and even after a month I came to love these ones like they were my own (I bawled when one finally potty trained and peed on the toilet!).
But since 2020, I've been dealing with some terrible life stressors that have aggravated my CPTSD and my stress levels are through the roof. I've been so lost I feel like a risk to myself, and didn't know what to do but quit. I feel so stupid because I spent WEEKS getting the clearances to get this job, and quit with nothing lined up (but applied to one or two jobs already). I have the savings to keep me going for a few months, but still feel so guilty and lost. And stupid for putting all my faith in a career move that I could not handle at ALL.
I have contacted a therapist and have people who love me and I won't do anything drastic whatsoever, but I think I just need someone on here to reassure me that I'm not the most terrible person on earth for this, or that they've done something similar, because I've never felt like this when quitting a job.