I recently started working with an agency, and I'm still in the probationary period. During COVID, I was let go from my previous job, and for about a year and a half, I did freelance work and I had a few regular clients of my own. I also have my own blog that I work on. Late last year, the agency approached me, and offered a job basically doing the same things I did, but for their clients. The job came with benefits and a decent salary. In all honesty, I was not that excited when I took it. I took it mostly because of the salary, and I knew that if I kept doing my own work on the side, I would be able to earn well.
I've found it really hard to settle back into a job that has strict hours. We're able to work from home or in the office, and due to multiple outbreaks of COVID, I've opted to mostly work from home, going into the office once or twice a week. While they're the same responsibilities I carried out for my clients that I now do for the agency and their clients, it feels a lot more stressful and demanding. There are a lot more people I have to approach to sign off on my work, and it feels like there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Simple processes have been made way too complicated. There is also a lot of micro managing. We have to record time for every task we do, and I am criticized if I spend too much or too little time on a task. The hours are also very long – at the end of the day, I'm tired and don't have energy for my own work or any other activities. I look forward way more to the weekends now than with any other previous job, only to be upset when Monday morning rolls around again.
A senior also made comments about my personal blog (which I had told them about when applying, saying that I planned on continuing it and that it wouldn't conflict with my responsibilities) which I didn't care for. They said that I needed to do similar things for their clients as what I do on my blog, and that I need to show more initiative. It makes me feel like it is being monitored.
My biggest grievance is that I was hired for a very particular role with certain responsibilities, and I've not been allowed to do half of them, and have been given different tasks to do. “There's no budget for it, we don't have the time, it's too much to ask of the client” – all sorts of excuses. The kicker – they've now hired someone else with the same exact job title and are allowing them to do the tasks I was originally brought on to do. When I asked what this meant for me, they said it was because I hadn't shown initiative to do those tasks, which was not only unfair to say, but untrue. Every time I asked if I could start working on those tasks, I was told no. Not to sound childish, but I can't help but feel bitter. It feels like I was never brought on for that role in the first place, and I'm being pushed towards another role.
In social aspects, I just don't feel like I fit in. I haven't made any real connections/friendships in the office – the two people I got along with most were temps and have since left. I've started going to the office to be more present however I always feel left out of conversations or forgotten. It's a young, new company and I feel like I should be happy here, but I'm really not.
I wasn't making as much money when I was freelancing, however I was very happy with the flexibility and being able to choose when I worked. I know that if I'm able to sit down and work on myself and my services that I offer, I could gain more clients, earn well and be a lot more flexible. I'm very conscious that this year is going to be expensive, as I have personal events happening (getting married, moving into a new apartment) that I will need cash for. I don't want to quit a well paying job until I have something else lined up.
I was originally thinking of staying with this job until the end of this year, and working on my own business on the side to build it up to the point where I can leave them and work on my own. However I just don't have the time or energy, no matter what I try. Their job is taking over my life. I also just feel resentful about working there and I fantasise about telling them that I quit.
I guess it's a case of “is it me or you?” with this – I can't tell if they're being over demanding, or if I'm the one having issues settling in.
Should I just quit and attempt entrepreneurship again?