In late 2019, I've had started to pull myself together. I was a broke college graduate with crippling debt and video game addiction. I made the biggest u-turn in my whole life and I am proud of it. Sold my computer, got a part-time job in a fast-food chain during COVID, worked for months while applying for 150+ jobs until finally, I got a year contract job in a bank. The job had 70+ applicants, 3 screening processes, but only 4 vacancies, and I managed to beat the odds. It wasn't a secure full-time job and wasn't really aligned with my field but the pay was slightly higher than the minimum wage that I previously had so I just sucked it up. They said that being an entry-level worker is the hardest point in your career, but once you've gotten up the rank it'll be much easier. Everyone expects you to perform right away and gives you some of their tasks so that they can have lesser tasks. I've had 3 people looking for me every single day back then. And any task that nobody wants to do like going out to meet clients, promotional activities, doing TikTok, I'd be the one who has to do it. Hell, I was even sent to clean up flash flood victims' houses as part of the company's volunteer program(though I was basically forced). And my boss kept increasing the KPI higher and higher every single time. But I kept going, with a mindset that I had it worst (and it's true). So I work extra hours than anyone, do more sales calls, do the shit that nobody wants to do, and yet once the contract is up, it's done. Weeks went by with no call or email, and I figured maybe I just wasn't good enough or didn't try hard enough. Then I went more job hunting and saw that the same position I was working as is open again by the same company. Did a little bit of research, turns out they're doing it over and over again to save cost and utilize the desperate graduates during these COVID times. I feel so shitty afterward. I thought I had done something good for once in my life. They can literally keep repeating this process and never lose. I still have 3/4 of the loan that I still need to pay off. Does that mean I have to keep doing it for another 3 more years? I thought I've done it by the books, I thought I'd played the game. I went through a year of extreme minimalism, dropping my hobbies, eating one meal a day, waking up at 4 am, jogging every other day, taking cold showers, meditating, listening to the hustle culture podcast but still not getting anything back. Though there are some valuable knowledge and habit that I had learned along the way that I really appreciate. It's just that I don't wish to go through all that hardship again.