I was fired during the pandemic after 18+ years with a company (stressful with cinstant overtime) . Reason…nepotism. The company then lied and tried to take away my unemployment. It broke my “work ethic”. What's the point in putting anything into a job if they can fire me for no reason, try to ruin my life, and there are no consequences for them? (I have had a few jobs here and there since leaving mostly because I will not be treated like a child or a servant…not when I have no protections.)
I've been suicidal more times than I can count. It just seems so fucking hopeless. There's never going to be “enough”. I can't work hard enough to make my life easier. Constant stress. I wad also short with my kids while also knowing I couldn't actually kill myself because they'd have no one.
I am now out of my fucking mind….and am not working…at all. I'm living off of a home improvement loan that won't last forever.
But….my life is so much better! I have time with my kids and I'm not stressed or angry. We are eating better. We're doing more things as a family. Our morning and bedtime routines aren't rushed and crazy. I'm able to keep up with cleaning and laundry. I am able to drive my kids to school, pick them up, not worry about if they get sick or there's a snow day. I can volunteer….both at the school and in the community. I've screened in my front porch, fixed a deck, and am working in replacing a fence.
I dread the day the money runs out….because my life will be gone. I will go back to having no actual life and just working then coming home stressed and spending my time dreaming of ways to kill myself.
Why is this how things are? How are we in rich nations with technology beyond our ancestors' wildest dreams, yet we aren't able to use that to actually LIVE? It's all about money….forever. I am deemed a loser by society for not working and aiming for the highest pay possible. What the actual fuck?