So for about 10+ years I worked retail. I was working at target when covid hit, and it made an already unbearable job worse so I quit without giving a two weeks. I started doordashing full time, it seemed like the safe smart thing to do with the pandemic going on.
I got complacent, and totally fucked myself. I'm almost $6000 in credit card debt from car matinence and other expenses I let pile up from the last two years, gas prices nearly tripled, my rent has gone up from $700 to $850, and Im struggling to make any money with these delivery apps because orders have slowed down. Im applying to jobs and not hearing back. I think Im barely making rent this month and all the savings Ive had are drained. I have a full body eczema breakout from stress I think. I live alone, am estranged from family and have no friends.
I feel like Im completely screwed. I know the system we live under is horrible, but apart of the problem is my mental health, I have trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and staying on top of things like finances. I always told myself I could grind it out and earn the money back later, but now im struggling to stay afloat.
I dont know, i needed to write this out. I honestly feel like I dont want to live anymore(basically my whole life), but could never go through the physical act of killing myself. Im on medication and I get it shipped from an online pharmacy, it works decently and kept me out of some real dark places Ive been before.
Thanks for reading.