Hey reddit, I need help… a coworker and my boss have gaslit me and violated my workplace rights.
(Background info: I (25f) have worked my current side hustle for the past 4 years. It's a team of approximately 50 different independent contractors of all walks of life who sometimes work solo, and sometimes work with one other colleague. This means that sometimes I'll spend a shift working with a coworker and building rapport only to go months without seeing them.)
Anyway, I ran into a colleague a few weeks ago. Wayne, who's married and at least twice my age, is someone I have always had excellent rapport with (Wayne is old friends with the owner of the company, so I'd been thankful about our positive working relationship) I hadn't worked with Wayne in nearly a year when I ran into him, and I was sad to hear his response to my question of “how are you”. He looked at me sadly, shook his head, and said that his own business had recently failed AND it looked like his marriage was on the rocks. As a result, he said, he'd been in a horribly dark place.
Then he asked me how I was.
(Background: I've been living my absolute best life. I'm excited about recognition at my main job, bought my dream car, beat my PR while running a marathon last month with my two best friends, currently planning a trip to Hawaii).
I couldn't look Wayne in the face and tell him how fucking amazing I'd been doing, so instead I tried to commiserate. I said something along the lines of “I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through/I get in to a funk every now and again too”. He suggested that I reach out to him if I ever felt like chatting about how rough life is over tea or drinks. I didn't commit to anything but instead I nodded and said I appreciated his supportive words.
Well he texted me the next day to invite me to “tea or drinks”. This felt inappropriate for a lot of reasons. Wayne is a nice guy but more importantly he's a coworker and one who is struggling through a painful divorce (a complicated situation even in the best of times), and I have neither the time nor the bandwidth to offer emotional support at this time. I said I hoped he was doing well and that now wasn't a good time for me. He sent me at least 4 other questions along the lines of “how are you” and “when do you want to get together” and I quit responding. I was swamped at my main job and am in the position where if someone I'm not particularly close to sends me a chit-chatty message, I do not prioritize typing out a response.
But apparently he must've shared the situation with the owner of the company (his friend).
I know this because a close personal friend of mine, Martin, (who also happens to be a coworker) let me know that the owner of the company had called about scheduling. Then the boss asked Martin about ME and how I was doing because “another member of the team was worried about how depressed I was”. I knew immediately that it must've been Wayne spreading gossip because I am not in any way depressed.
This situation is so upsetting to me because a) some serious rights of mine were violated in the way my boss went behind my back to talk to Wayne and Martin about my mental health, b) I see now how Wayne clearly asked me leading questions to manipulate me into telling him I was struggling; I feel both embarrassed and furious that my words about mental health were weaponized against me, c) I feel like an older predatory coworker is trying to punish me for not spending time with him by painting me as mentally unstable, and ultimately d) I like my side hustle and I'm concerned that if the boss is worried about my mental health that he may schedule me less often.
I feel so grossed out and worried. All I want is to do my job and be left alone. I intend to email my boss to have something in writing, including dates of correspondence, just in case this blows up even further. Of course I want him to know that I know my rights as a worker, but i also don't want to seem too threatening because I want to continue working for the company. What else should I specify?Any guidance would be welcome.
tl:dr: a coworker spread rumors about my mental health to our boss; the boss then shared those rumors with a close personal friend of mine; I'm worried about my job and generally disgusted by immature, manipulative, harmful behavior
edit: formatting