This might turn into a rant post, but I’m feeling so conflicted and stressed, and I really need some external advice:
Backstory: I have a family full of high achievers in STEM/medical practices that sort of frown upon me. It’s not that I’m not intelligent, I’m just an artist, and that was enough to make me the black sheep. When it was time to pick a college major, there was 0 support from my family for art options. I ended up choosing a biology program like they wanted mostly because they said that’s the only way they’d fund me.
That tanked really quickly tho – a lack of passion+adhd led to bad grades almost immediately. I won’t get into it, but I really, truly tried my best to succeed, but thankfully still realized there was no way I could pass higher chemistry/bio classes if I was barely passing the intro ones. So with a lot of convincing of my parents that I wouldn’t be a starving artist trope, I was off to an interior architecture program.
Flash forward almost 5 years and a ton of personal obstacles (sexual assault, 2 rounds of pneumonia, an apartment blowing up, psycho roommates, a suicide attempt, top it off with all the world shit going on), I graduated!! I ACTUALLY DID IT!! I even got my dream job right away at a large firm doing million dollar hotels, vibrant zoos, exciting, large scale tech offices… and I fucking hate it.
I hate it so much, I dread every morning. The hours are soul-crushing, the pay is scraps when you account for all the unpaid overtime, and I’m so burnt out, there’s just no more passion in me. It sucks, because I really wanted to love this field.
I’ve spoken with my therapist a lot about it, and he asked why I’m staying if I’m so miserable. It’s just… for the first time ever my parents are actually proud of ME. They speak about ME and what I do with actual pride.
My therapist asked what I’m actually passionate about, and Ik it might sound silly, but I had this laser cutting class a few years ago, and I just fell head over heels in love. I made this one single chess set, and I’ve never stopped thinking about it. I want to pursue being an artist full time.
So here’s where I’ve landed:
PROS
– I have ~10 months worth of expenses saved already (1yr if I’m frugal)
– I sold my car to buy a glowforge, so I already have the equipment
– The prototype model sold in under a week for $300!
– I actually get excited thinking about doing this. The colour combos, dichroic acrylic, wood sets, custom designs, so many things to explore!!!
CONS
– I won’t have health insurance anymore, and I have some really bad dental issues I’ve been putting off that need to be addressed ASAP
– I need to work in a firm for 2yrs before I can take my licensing exam, but that means I’d have to stay almost another yr still and I don’t even want to do this
– My parents. I mentioned this all off-hand once when I was feeling really overwhelmed by all the 3am nights at work, and now they’re constantly hounding me about it. Always passive aggressively mentioning how important a job is and that art isn’t sustainable.
– I eventually want to pursue a Masters in Psychology and merge it with the design field. There’s this whole untapped market in considering how our built environments impact our mental health, but how will this change impact my ability to get into grad schools?
– Finally, point blank I’m just fucking scared. I’d let down my family, my new and old coworkers – my company just helped me transfer from one city to another (even tho, despite all my work, they didn’t give me any pay increase or moving help, tho that’s a different story).
OPTIONS:
– Keep sticking it out. Things have to get better eventually, right? Sounds like the new office culture isn’t quite so stressful.
– Stay 3 months. Give myself time to get my teeth and any other health issues fixed, save more money, then dip.
– GTFO. My friends and therapist are already pretty worried about me. I ended up in the ER a few weeks ago from overworking myself, and I just don’t know how much more I can take.
Idk… I just feel like it’d be so much worse to let myself down by not even giving myself the chance. What do I do?