Every last penny I don't spend on bills and necessities goes into the lottery. It's my one chance at happiness. (Im actually up in slots, but the losses from other lottos are slightly higher so I've lost money in total)
No matter what job ive had, I've had panic attacks at work. Getting on disability seems impossible. The stress has caused so many other issues with my body. I am fighting with my brain every single moment I am at work, debating just walking out and never coming back. But my bills say otherwise.
The lottery is my only chance at hope. My only chance at joy. And at this point, if I don't win… I don't know what I will do.
(While I may have suicidal thoughts, I won't act on them. I have people I hold dear and I can't do that to them. But that doesn't mean I don't think about it.)