I have been out of work for about 3 months. I freelance edit and do art commissions, but that only keeps me afloat and doesn't let me save anything.
Let me preface. I don't dislike to work. I dislike everything about the capitalistic establishment and overwork culture and I'm a huge advocate for worker's rights. But I, personally, do not mind to go into work. What I've found I enjoy most is a public service job.
I left retail to take a job at the local domestic violence/SA shelter back in 2020, during the pandemic. I loved this job. It was a non-profit. Though the managers were shitty, overstepped worker boundaries constantly, wanted to require us to be available at times we were not scheduled, the work itself was something I loved. I loved my clients. I wanted to see them grow and improve and flourish. I cared about being there for their meltdowns and the big wins. I worked third shifts (12a-8a) for two years and adored the work.
But, tragedy struck my family (we needed major house repairs we could only afford to do ourselves) and while I was able to commit to the shifts I was scheduled, I could no longer pick up extra shifts. This was, of course, never an obligation, but I tried to help out where I could when we were short staffed because, again, I loved my clients. However, one of our employees unexpectedly quit with no notice, and I was asked to suddenly cover 4 of her shifts. When I told my boss that my family emergency really needed to come first, she complained that she “really needs [me] to help pull the weight”, which, as a worker's rights advocate, I knew was not my weight to pull. So, I began job searching. A friend of mine got me into a position at his company in Texas working remotely. I put in my two weeks at the shelter, left amicably and made sure they had everything they needed from me.
In the time I was there, they constantly rehired past employees, even those who they disliked working with (or who did not work) the first time. This is important, because, when I contacted them because my new full time remote position didn't work out (the job was high stress in a way that left me unable to function), they seemed excited to have me back. My old boss (not the one who told me to cover the shifts, but the one between her and the main staff) told me to please put in an app and email her and the director.
I did so. And then I heard nothing back. So I called, left a message to “check on my app”. Figured since boss said she was “so happy I reached out”, it wasn't a big deal to check in after a week. The director never called me back. I gave it another week and left another message. Figuring that, since they didn't reply to that, either, it meant they had filled the position. Rude to just ghost me, I thought, but perhaps they felt badly because boss was so excited to have me apply and they had already selected candidates or something.
So now, in the meantime, I have been job searching. Applications, freelance work, interviews, working interviews. Some people have ghosted. Some have denied me. I was even denied, called back for a different position, hired into it, and then called two days before I was to start and told they no longer had the position available. It's been gutwrenching. More apps. Interviews. Freelance work. Browsing Indeed until my eyes bleed. Trying not to let my mental illness get worse but seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Finally, I break down and text old boss again to tell her, hey, if they need people at any point and are willing to take me back, just reach out, I'm still searching and interested. I'm desperate at this point. She never replies. At this point I don't even know if she works there anymore.
So I'm browsing indeed this morning, and the shelter comes back up on my feed. Now they have FOUR slots to fill. Two are my overnight position. Two are afternoons. They have been unable to fill my position, and they have lost people. And nothing? No call? I put in my two weeks. I told them I was leaving my position for a full time opportunity instead of being honest. I worked hard and loved the clients. They've rehired people so inept that they would be 3 hours late to work and call no one to let the one on overnights (me, usually) know. And I would stay until they got there. What else could I have done?
I feel so beaten down. I'm not good enough for a new job. I'm not even good enough for my old one. They're four people down and they won't even give me the time of day. I have great interviews that amount to being ghosted. I try to work hard and enjoy what I do. But I'm so lost and tired of this. “No one wants to work” is constantly being thrown around when no one will hire anyone that does, or treat them well when they do. I'm desperate for any job that won't destroy me physically or mentally. If it were a matter of them not being able to hire me again because they don't repeat hire, I would understand. But they did it multiple times when I was there. And I'm scared I'll never be good or healthy enough to have a job again. That's terrifying in the world we live.