Holy shit I’ve never felt more suicidal in my life. I work as a Customer Service Rep. I’d say my workload is normally a little above average, except we’re understaffed so whenever someone is absent we’re doing the work of two people. My manager and another coworker my level were away for an entire week… I basically had to handle most of my manager’s clients, my own, and some of the other co-worker’s clients. The kicker is I’m not even 2 months into this job. I make $18/hr with no benefits. I always have to work overtime and today I didn’t even get to eat my lunch. And it’s one of those jobs where you have to heavily rely on other people to meet deadlines and if they don’t meet it you have to break the bad news to the client which makes it extremely stressful. I work at a small company so I know the CEO, and he was telling me how he’s planning on creating another company under the same roof… I was rolling my eyes to the back of my head because we don’t even have enough staff for the existing company.
Right after I finished school I got a different job at a place I actually enjoyed working at, but I fucked up and got fired the first week. It was a highly technical job and I was fired due to my performance. I feel like I didn’t sharpen my hard skills enough in university and thus I ended up in customer service AGAIN even though I have a four year degree (it’s in my field but I just hate dealing with customers so much; I stupidly thought getting a degree would be a ticket out of customer service). I can’t quit because my parents want me to see this one through after getting fired my first week at my other job. It’s kind of shameful to get fired your first week in your first real job and then not even last 2 months in your second job. Plus what’s to say if I get a new job it’ll be better? And when I was searching for another job I barely got any interviews and I was running out of jobs to apply for.
Whenever I get home (around 7pm) I can’t even enjoy my time because it’s like a countdown begins of when the next day will come. I’m not religious but I started taking up praying because it’s only through god and sheer luck, and me rushing the production workers, that everything will come before the deadlines. Tomorrow there’s so much that’s due and I’m just bracing myself to handle the angry clients. I feel so desperate and sad. It feels like hell on earth.