Hi guys.
A few weeks ago I made these posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/wvxjcv/update_my_work_is_telling_me_im_resigning_because/
https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/wtf20s/my_work_is_telling_me_im_resigning_because_i/
I had not renewed my lease and was looking for new places to live. I no longer have income and am unable to rent.
When I turned 18 I was kicked out and homeless for a little over a year. I worked into the position I was in, and have slowly been building back to a normal life.
I am now 28. I had to move back in with my abusive family. I believed my mother had changed. I was wrong. I had to leave for my own mental wellbeing.
I had to give my dog back to her breeder because I am unable to care for her while homeless.
I lost my girlfriend of 5 years, my home, and my dog.
I have been applying constantly for positions related to my previous role, but have yet to get an interview. I am scared to apply for entry level positions for fear of setting back my career, but it is cold and I'm running out of options.
A very good friend and his wife have offered to let me live with them for a short time. I'm thankful, but him and I both know it will not be enough time to get my life back together. Before he offered, and after this time, I will be living in my car again.
I am still applying for work using my phone. I am on unemployment and foodstamps. I had money saved, but my family convinced me to put all my money into my debts to prevent interest, leaving me broke.
I was able to pursue medical assistance for the last month I had my benefits. My EEG and MRI came back normal. It's a bittersweet feeling. I'm happy my head is healthy, but sad they do not know what is wrong with me. The ophthalmologist believes I am regularly having intense migraines without the feeling of pain, aka aura-of-migraines. I have lost medical insurance and see no point in pursuing it further.
I'm very tired. Everything has slipped through my fingers.
I've been homeless before, but I wasn't so scared the way I am now. I could try for a lower paying job, but it wouldn't be enough to rent.
I'm very tired. I'm so tired of being an inconvenience to everyone around me. I wish I had a place I felt I belonged. Friends offer to help, but I have such anxiety about being a burden to others because of my family's abuse.
The glances people sneak at you when you're at your lowest. The disgust they flash if you look like you've relaxed while taking up their space. I can't be in a place that pretends I'm welcome, even temporarily. I'm so tired of being a momentary scapegoat of built-up frustrations and resentments from well-meaning people.
I looked into mental health assistance. My doctor recommended it at one point, but Wisconsin is lacking in therapists/psychiatrists. They were unable to find one in network, and I was not considered a priority because I am not suicidal.
It feels odd that my desire to live has put me in worse positions than some who have sought to die. I know this isn't a correct way to think and that everyone has unique traumas and experiences, but even still it feels odd to observe.
I wish the best to anyone looking for work or fighting for a livable wage. The world is strange right now. I hope it becomes a better place soon. Perhaps I'd have a family of my own if I were a little smarter, and a little luckier.
Oh, and the breeder will give back my dog when I ask. She just deserves better than I can offer right now. I'll share a picture in the comments.