My boss is the type of person who always needs someone to blame. They have a very “I can do no wrong” attitude and will often gaslight me to make themselves seem in the right and me in the wrong. (Example: one time I missed work when we were working overtime for a week. my boss told me not to report that I worked overtime that day because it was just going to make up for my missing the day before. I cited company policy mandating reporting hours worked. Suddenly she didn't remember telling me not to report my hours). I do not care for the right/ wrong binary in the workplace, but rather being accountable and finding solutions. My boss at one point made me doubt my memory so badly that I went to see two doctors who both told me that I was fine physically and then referred me to a psychiatrist, where I was diagnosed with severe depression. We talked and it became clear that my workplace was the culprit for triggering my adverse mental health, and therefore my memory loss.
Well, shit has been hitting the fan and flying everywhere over the last year, especially the last 8 months. This office is supposed to have a minimum of 20 workers. Right now there are 11. 12 people have quit since last October. 8 months ago, the last of my particular team unit left. I have been the only person functioning in this role, supporting close to 10,000 clients, for 8 months. They have not been able to hire pretty much anyone and the people they have hired for my team unit both quit within 2 weeks.
Now it seems like my boss and coworkers and everyone are just scapegoating me into villainhood. I got a write-up about 3 weeks ago because I mixed up some dates and didn't attend a company event. I was apologetic and did what I could to make reparations but it seemed like they were eager to slap me with a write-up because not even a week later I had a PIP in front of me. They also cited that a few coworkers said they were having trouble contacting me, which I thought was strange because I had been on top of my communications. But whatever, signed and done. Been trying to improve my communication since.
Then last week we had a whole team professional development meeting where the director started off by mentioning the contents of my write-up, without explicitly mentioning me, to the whole team as sort of “don't do this” kind of thing and said it was “unacceptable behavior”. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable. This is a small office. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who they were talking about. My motivation completely crapped for the rest of that day.
Then I get a call from a coworker the other morning, the one I theorized was saying I didn't answer her calls, and I was not mean or rude or anything, yet she basically copped an attitude with me and told me it seemed like she was bothering me and got passive aggressive with her commentary. I tried to ignore the statements and vibe, just trying to help the client she was calling about, but she seemed to get frustrated and eventually just sent the call straight to me.
I am so tired of this. I want to rage quit every single day. I want to take back control somehow and just make them feel as shitty as they make me feel. But I'm not. I'm not going to get petty revenge or scoop to their level. My mental health can't afford the negativity. I am just tired and frustrated with my treatment. I feel incompetent, scapegoated, and unappreciated. I have carried this place on my back for the last 8 months and now they are seeming to blame all of their problems on me.
Yes, I am quitting and it will be here soon. But as the days seem longer due to my treatment, I keep contemplating just quitting now and abandoning my “currently employed job seeker” leverage. What can I do to feel in control? What can I do at all?