Im just here to vent. I (27f) started therapy to deal with the death of my best friend — grief I wasn’t able to move through initially at 19 bc I immediately went into regular life (uni, pt job, internship). Unsurprisingly, my grades tanked and I dropped out at 21 and I quit my job. I started looking colleges; the programs are less time consuming in Canada. My dad was incredibly disappointed, saying “College makes you work! University makes other people work for you!” (Oh, how wrong he would be)
Anyway I’m talking through this all with the doc, and she’s like “It sounds like your dad just wanted you to be empowered,” and I say “Sure, whatever.” Any parent wants that. The conversation went on to other things.
but then I got home and I was thinking. I rejected my dad’s criticism not only because it was increasingly dated but because he never even knew what I wanted in life. We almost never spoke. He worked all the time. When he was home, he’d unload about work. When my mom checked out of his I-hate-my-job rants, I was the next set of ears. Every night he would tell me about his day and I learned how to listen and be a champion at 13.
And that’s actually fucked up. More memories came back. My dad missing recitals, school awards, my middle and high school graduations, my friends and partners knowing what he looks like from TBTs. My mom having to pick up warehouse work in the summer (she works in schools) and I had to write her resume, and then rub her back when she was inevitably busted up.
Two memories that stick out is 1) getting my cycle for the first time in months and us being out of pain medication because of my mom’s job, and 2) crying one night because I hurt my foot playing and my dad storming in and yelling at me, who is 7, to stop disrupting everyone’s sleep because “There’s work in the morning!”
It feels inhumane. It feels anti family. I’m happy we had a good house, and a reliable car, clothes and uniforms that fit. I had enviable lunches and played in the band and did sports. I don’t wish we were poor to be happy. I just don’t think “providing for the family” is what it seems. And the fact this might be common, and becoming normal is heartbreaking.
Idk, man. Hug your kids. Text them if you’re busy. Listen back. Bite off only what you can chew knowing they’re also “on the plate” so to speak. They need that relationship even if it’s not perfect.
I cant get over the loneliness I felt knowing my best friend was gone and I didn’t really know my own family enough to confide in them about it. It’s crazy to think about