Started a new job today and honestly I haven't had a w2 in four years so I was anxious af. I was told that I would be placing orders for eyeglass lenses. Day 1 I'm listening to my coworker taking calls and she's legit talking like an optician. Doctors are asking for suggestions and asking about certain colors and polarizations. The whole time everyone around me is telling me not to get overwhelmed but I am in fact overwhelmed. I quit working at a bank years ago because of stress and I'm in a hole and desperately need money so I accepted this job but I'm so depressed.
I've been having intrusive thoughts all day cause I can't accept that this is all there is to life. I don't want to do this but I need to see a doctor, I need health insurance, my pets need to see a vet, and I need brakes on my damn car. One paycheck will practically cover all my bills for the month and the health insurance is phenomenal. I want to be happy. I want to be as excited for me as my mom and bf are but I'm not. I'm not lazy by any means but I'm sick of working jobs like this. I want to do something that actually helps people and be able to pay my bills. I'm sick of working just because the pay is good. I'm gonna be okay and learn to cope with this but fuck I just needed to vent.