So, I've been working in a hospital kitchen for the last three and a half years and it's been the most dispiriting grind I've ever participated in. Everyone is miserable. The hours suck, the work is stressful, and the manager, who rarely deigns to work in the kitchen herself, may be a sociopath.
The problem is that the pay is good (relative to Indiana), and the only thing that'll kill your dreams faster than an unexpected pregnancy or a sudden illness, is a steady paycheck. The steady paycheck is how I've been making myself miserable. By not taking risks, I've fallen into the habits of overcompensating for overwork on my days off by sleeping too much, staying up too late, overeating, and putting off what I actually WANT to do with my life.
I like writing. I've been told I'm good at it. I want to narrate. I've been told for decades that I have a good speaking voice, and people don't understand why I don't do anything with it. Thanks to my job, I have an excellent computer, a fantastic microphone, and now I have a good recording space. I have enough in savings to hire a decent cover artist, I just need to write and record something in order to sell it on Amazon.
What I haven't had in years was the time or energy to do it. I work, I drag myself home, I lament that the day has escaped me, I do it all over again until my day off, and then I over-rest and let the opportunity to achieve something escape me.
Well, that changed as of today. I have been let go. I've officially been tardy one time too many and now I've been cut loose. At first, I was terrified. But now a giddiness I can't accurately describe has begun to grow within me, at the realization that I have my life back now and I can finally do what I fucking WANT to do. Which is write and record.
Not counting unemployment, I have enough in savings to meet my obligations for a year. If I have to, I'll get a part-time job. For now, I'm going to go take a walk, and enjoy some of this winter sun. Then I'm going to sit my ass down and get to work. FOR MYSELF.
Wish me luck, guys. In a better world, we could tear this corrupt system down by the roots. But for now, I'm definitely willing to settle for being my own man.