Went to the doc the other day for the ol’ 100k check-up. North of 40, so time to check the diagnostics. This comes after my job tried to fuck me over and life went to shit. I survived (mostly because I document EVERY.THING).
Months of pure stress, rampant gaslighting and general fuckery later, I’m 25 pounds overweight, cholesterol above 220, blood pressure high for the first time in my life. I work a minimum 50-hour week with no lunch, no breaks and a shit-ton of guilt if I want to dip for an hour to handle life (be sure the log your time out of office!) Meanwhile the boss works from home whenever the hell he wants and spends half the year living in another state. But, you know, I’m tsk-tsked if I don’t account for two hours of taking time to see my kid’s school play. Never missed a deadline. Always doing everything anyone asks. Getting passed over for a promotion despite advocating for myself. I have zero reserves left. I eat bad food and I drink because that’s all I’ve got left. I can’t volunteer (too much work), can’t join professional organizations (only the VP represents the company anywhere), can’t put work in for awards (they don’t mean anything/it’s all self-congratulations), can’t do anything that draws attention to me as a human being with a life separate from the company.
My colleague died of a massive heart attack a few years back and it feels like I’m going to be next. Going to the cardiologist in a few days. Prayers, sage, spells, whatever ya got, I need it, and the hope of leaving upright for new opportunities instead of in an ambulance like my old pal.