I try so hard.
I literally don’t even do much. I’m an entry level social media manager who makes an entry level salary. I feel like others would kill to do what I do. I feel like a jerk complaining about my work from home, easy ass job (compared to others). And there’s nothing even wrong with the job itself. I’m just tired.
Marketing of any kind is one of the most draining and capitalistic fields. Having to constantly be on social media, tracking analytics, and trying to come up with creative new ideas for our feed has burnt me out so badly that I sometimes wish I would get fired just to have a break. And then, after work, I have to make dinner, clean, and do whatever other responsibilities I have. Then I go to bed and that’s it.
I used to be happier. I used to do my internships or part time jobs, and then come home and feel fine. I would exercise, do my laundry, do homework, make dinner, and still have time to chill at night. I don’t have that anymore. Even enjoyable things in my life are now chores.
I always felt like something was missing, sure, but not like I have since I started working full time. And as I lay here in bed after working all day wanting SO badly to just get up and do something fun, I quite literally cannot move. I feel paralyzed by burnout.
I’ve gained weight, am completely unhappy with the person I am today, and I really do blame it on working full time. I have never had serious mental health issues until this. I have never contemplated s*icide until this. I have never not wanted to live until this. But hey, the grind never stops. 🥲