That's all. Fuck. Haven't had a job for awhile because mentally I was getting really bad and was trying to navigate a new life for me. It goes to show how damn hard it is to not have money in America. Living in a small van atm and I don't feel safe finding places to sleep every night. I have been able to get the basics like wifi in coffee shops and gym for showers so I keep up, and in some ways I actually really like the nomadic aspect van life. But being in debt makes this so much worse.
I believe you deserve to feel like a stable healthy citizen capable of dignity even if you are poor and going through a difficult time in life. Simply existing shouldn't cost money. First of all without this van I'd be going downhill way wayyyy faster. How in the world do people bounce back from complete homelessness. It really, really sucks being an American and poor. Debt is a weight I have never felt so much of at one time. It almost feels hopeless. It makes me frustrated to see government programs get slashed here or hear bias against helping those in need. Having states being so diverse I believe has caused a ripple between Americans. We are lacking cohesive humanitarian goals and are very split. I believe on paper, states rights sounds good but the federal level isn't doing enough to ensure each American has the same civil rights. States can feel so drastically different that even crossing state lines can be an eerie experience. But luckily for my situation, I believe I am getting really close to a job in Europe with family. I am ready to make the switch. I'll pay my American debt while living in Europe with free health care, safer public transportation, and a place I think is going to feel much more like home. Of course family will play a big part in that, and it's not to say I won't miss certain aspects of American culture, but I don't think it takes much these days to show people how great it is to live in a country where the government takes more taxes but spreads it more fairly among it's citizens. It truly does feel fairer. I feel like people, no matter your background, as a whole actually matter and that there is a common goal, even if not everything is figured out.
This is anecdotal, but if America is not doing it for you, instead of fighting, maybe moving is the best option. I think in the long term it is for me. Thanks for reading.