I apologise for my english as it’s not my first language.
I feel paralysed. I simply no longer have the fire in me. I just don’t want to do this anymore, but I have no choice. It’s either keep showing up at work and pretending to be interested, or facing unemployment. I don’t love what I do, but I don’t have any other interest or second plan. I am dead inside.
This is an industry where you either keep escalating or are pushed out sooner or later as you grow older. It’s an young creative people’s playground and I’m stuck in the same position for years, with no energy nor the willpower to try to escalate the career ladder.
At 41 I don’t feel old walking down the street in my private life, but I feel too old to still be doing what I do at work. I have coworkers who are way younger but in the same or similar level as me. Some friends and acquaintances are CDs and ECDs being five years younger. And I’m stuck between not being able to be promoted due to my lack of willpower and the rise of the newer generations. I can’t compete with their drive and ambitions because I have none.
It’s a matter of time before I am pushed out and disappear into a limbo. I can’t see a future for me in the world.
I guess I don’t really have a question, but I wanted to get it out of my chest. I’m feeling particularly depressed tonight.
I’m sorry, but thank you for reading.