Im not entirely sure where to post this but i thought this might be a good start.
Bare w me on this there's a LOT of context for this situation
Part 1: personal context
1. I am 21F. But im 4'7″ 90lbs.
2. I have [severe major] depression and [severe generalized] anxiety, as well as 5 other severe and chronic, clinically diagnosed disorders
3. I cannot eat meals bcz my stomach capacity is small. If i eat too much i get sick. If i eat too fast i get sick. If i dont eat enough i get sick. Thru out my childhood i have been put on dietary plans and programs, protein shakes, growth hormones. You name it i have been advised, prescribed, and went thru a plethora of possible solutions that did NOT work.
4. I have a very high metabolism. I metabolize food anywhere from 30min-2hrs. (Ik cuz once i starved myself for 2 days yay depression and i was working a physically intense job, i ate a cracker and started feeling better/stronger/more energy w in 30 min) so if i dont eat, i WILL lose weight (ik this bcz in 2017 i went on a week long daily medication that made me nauseous so i ate hardly anything. After the week i had lost 10lbs and no im not exaggerating. In 2021 i finally gained back the 10lbs).
5. Bcz of depression i dont have a consistent appetite. This also applies to meals. If i am not hungry at a specific meal time or time that is convenient to eat, i most likely will opt to not eat, instead of force feed myself bcz i will get sick. So if i dont eat when i AM hungry, i end up not eating much at all.
6. The solution i have found as a 21 yo is to keep food on me at all times when applicable (ie sports stadiums is the only place i can think of that this doesnt work bcz no outside food or bag policies) and i eat as i get hungry. This includes but not limited to: chips, candy, granola/protein bars, pizza, burgers, other sandwiches, occasionally sushi, yogurt or applesauce pouches, and cookies to name a few. And i have managed this for so long that its pretty much a habit as well
Part 2: work context
– I work third shift retail (10pm-6am). Store hrs are 6am-12am. So theres very little time that i interact w customers.
– I am a versatile person as i love learning and i learn fast. I am also happy to help where and when i can.
– I have been at this job for 7 months. I know all grocery aisles, produce, half of the cooler areas (butter, juice, yogurt) and bakery(we only do donuts for the morning).
– In bakery i am kind of the main person and was thrown into the position bcz the original lady was fired and i have prior experience with donuts. I was then asked to do twice the amount of work than was trained for AND trained another person. He comes to me w questions and i have to figure out how what to do bcz theres no overnight bakery boss and my bosses are in charge of Grocery so they dont have a clue when it comes to bakery.
– Work stocking standard is 55cases/hr. But ideal standard is 75cases/hr. This will be important later
– When i eat while i work, i take a bite and go back to work while chewing. No longer than it takes to take a drink. This is important too.
– When i eat, i dont eat in front of customers. I dont have my food splayed out for everyone to see.
Ik its not super impressive bcz its a grocery store and everyone gets moved around all the time. But it gives u an idea of what all i had to learn and why i think im a valuable asset when it comes to being an employee
Part 3: working style context
Like i stated before i have chronic depression. It comes and goes. Personality wise, i am very high energy (i have ADHD too yay me) and very excitable. So when i started working here, i was VERY fast at working. When i was going thru relationship problems my productivity declined. When the break up happened, my productivity was back up bcz i felt good about the break up. That was back in Oct. since then nothing of note has happened in my life to drastically affect my mood or day to day life. Now that i have been here 7 months, i have settled into the job so to speak. Where im not going to over exert or overwhelm myself w technicalities. I say if the implications of something is more stressful than the thing itself, its not worth it. So i work in a way that is balanced for my mental and physical wellbeing. Unfortunately my average day can and will be affected by depression. Which does means i sometimes work slower. And unfortunately my bosses have become accustom to my high energy state so my average state is seen as slow.
Part 4: the current situation/conflict
I eat. All the time. Always have. At every previous job, and at this job. It has never been a problem. Or at least it has never been addressed. If you are around me for more than 5min you will know that im practically always eating. Even ppl outside of work know this. They started being more strict on their case/hr standard to “hold everyone accountable”. I do not meet this standard.
Tonight i stopped for a second to take a bite of sandwich. As im taking a bite, one of my bosses rounds the corner and sees me eating. “THATS WHY UR SO SLOW” she tells me im not allowed to eat unless on break or lunch. At this point ik theyre going to be watching me. So for about 30min, i try my darnedest to not eat. But i am also taking a few drinks of water bcz again, it takes the same damn time to take a bite of food. Well i slip up and take a bite. I already know im being watched so ik im likely to get talked to seeing as i just went against what i was told to do. She pulled me in for a private meeting. She tells me how my productivity has gone down and that both her and the other boss think that its bcz i eat while i work. I (surprisingly) calmly explain to her my eating patterns (aka personal life information). I also explain that some cases are heavy for me. And how bcz im short, if the pallets are stacked high i have to go up and down a ladder multiple times to make the cases more manageable. She acknowledges and accepts both of these points. But she insists that eating is affecting my productivity. She also asserts that I am no longer allowed to eat. Im not allowed to eat unless in the breakroom. She said its not a write up, but there is official documentation that she spoke w me. The cherry on top is after this meeting, snacks were provided. I understand where she's coming from, as an employer. But i also think its inhuman and a bit disingenuous to dictate how, when, and where i eat. Now if i was talked to before or even told at interview that eating was not allowed. I can accept and respect that as part of the job. But it sincerely feels like they had a question and wanted to find ANY possible answer, and latched onto it. Seeing as eating has NEVER been a problem at this job. But now that my productivity supposedly declined and they couldnt find a reason to their liking, they picked something as personal as eating to be the answer. And bcz I DID explain why my productivity was slipping. That being the physicality of the job. It was acknowledged and accepted. But it was insisted that the eating HAD to be the reason. And my personal eating patterns are being dictated based on this assumption. And it feels more personal bcz they specifically addressed ME not anyone else.
This honestly instantly made me hate my job and fairly upset. But having had 10jobs in the last 5 years, its also the best job ive had. Im currently trying to move out of my parents house, so i also need financial stability to certain degree. I have considered quitting. I have also considered contacting the store director. Not as a punishment or a means to get privileges. More as a complaint or a grievance. But i honestly dont think its fair to associate eating to my performance, when reasonable points were made. And i think its important to include that this job has always been very accommodating, most specifically when it comes to anxiety attacks or being late for various reasons (ie. moving out of my ex's house when we broke up right before i had work). New development: also considering filing for disability seeing as i am both mentally and physically disabled (being under 4'10″ is considered a disability). But im not entirely sure what that entails.
Im at a loss of what to do or how to handle this bcz i understand their side, but it just feels way too targeted