Hello,
I am facing an impasse regarding a job I have had for almost 4 months. For the context, I am a business analyst in France, my trial period ends on Friday, my employer has already told me that he wants to make me permanent. But on my side, I can resign with a 48h notice until Friday.
I resigned from my fixed-term job for the one I have now. And my mental health has been deteriorating ever since. We are constantly understaffed, 6 people short, but the sales people keep selling studies. We're supposed to be paired up, but I'm rarely paired up since I've been at this company, for obvious reasons of understaffing.
I like the tasks I'm given, it's what I was looking for in terms of assignments and I'm 100% telecommuting. But the pressure is more and more unbearable, I am working overtime without pay to meet the deadlines of the clients. I'm constantly on edge, I have a gut feeling in the morning, I dread every email, especially from clients. I cry almost every day, and all I want to do is not get up in the morning.
I love my colleagues, we are all in the same boat so we understand each other and support each other as best we can. But our conditions are deteriorating: they have not been able to recruit for a year, except for two people, but a senior employee has just resigned… I am even more afraid of the workload.
The fact that I am overworked does not allow me to do my job properly, I make mistakes because of this overload which makes me feel very guilty. I don't have time to analyze anything in depth because I have to produce all the time. I feel like I'm working on a production line.
An account manager constantly puts me down because of this, I once literally burst into tears because I couldn't stand to look bad. But she continues… She says to me “that's the basis of the analyst's job, you don't know how to do it”, “you're slow, aren't you? I can't take it anymore. It's Sunday afternoon and I'm crying at the thought of logging on again tomorrow and hearing these remarks again.
I was off sick for two weeks last month because of this, I was better the first few days but now everything is falling apart again.
I have Asperger's syndrome and I am recognized as a disabled worker. I don't know if I should hold on or just leave. I can benefit from a state allowance for the disabled to take some time to regain my strength and take care of my mental health. But it's only 900 euros. I have a little bit of additional income on the side as a freelancer but this income is variable.
What makes me feel guilty is that if I am unemployed and that the majority of the financial burden falls on my spouse. Especially since we were planning to buy a house and our situations were finally stable…
I'm feeling completely stuck because I don't know what to do, I'm on the verge of breaking down because of that