I flipped off my manager. Not face to face, not even because I meant to hurt her feelings. I just threw a “fuck this place” finger over my shoulder and didn't even realize I was fucking up that badly until they pulled me off the floor.
I've worked there for four and a half years. I started as a teenager. I grew up there. I've known this manager (and all of them) since I was a kid. I've never done anything bad or wrong before. I've loved this job, despised it, left, come back. It's toxic like most restaurants are. Lately I've been feeling really crushed by this industry, and there's been a lot of stress in my life. Bad days are just piling up and money hasn't been good, and I've been feeling like I'm drowning. Today I made everything 10 times worse.
I thought I would get a lecture or a verbal warning or anything other than what is happening. I know what I did was serious, but shit like this happens there all the time and it's never more than a stern talk in the office. I didn't even mean to do it, there was no malice toward her. I was just stressed and she snapped at me and I felt so fed up in that moment so I reacted.
They won't tell me if I still have a job or not and they want me to wait until Wednesday to talk about it. I think that's cruel so I told them I'd rather just know by tomorrow if I'm fired. They said come in at 10. I just feel sick to my stomach and pissed at myself, and pissed that I wasted so much of my life for something that ended like this.