Today I got fired from my job at a record store. Today is also the day that I realized allies aren’t shit. I started on the team recently and it has been fun, except for when my boss is in.
Boss followed me on Instagram and saw I had “They/She” pronouns in my bio. I am starting to transition from MtF. I asked my boss to use “he” pronouns when referring to me because I do not look feminine enough for me to be referred to as “She”. He insisted that it was important for the right pronouns to be used. I once again insisted it was fine to say “He”. This is when he told me that he had outed me to another coworker of mine. This made me feel so stupid as my little secret started to spread. A secret I did not even tell him about. He then continued to use “He/Him” pronouns whilst still correcting himself to say “They”. This was when I realized that he was only using the correct pronouns to show how good of an ally he is. My boss appropriates gay culture despite being a straight man. On his Instagram, you can see photos of him in a shirt that says “Be gay, do crime” which is a known phrase for gay people. December 20th, 2022 I was let go. Boss came into the store and immediately told me that I messed up the CDs from when I last did inventory. I misunderstood as I thought he was saying that I messed up scanning. I interjected saying “no I didn’t”. He then said “Well you better get this done as quickly as possible ok? We don’t start one task and start another ok?” He then said to me and whoever was working with me “You know things are changing around here, the door is right there anytime.” he was not speaking to both of us, it was just a way for him to threaten my job to me. He then started to talk about another coworker who wasn’t in saying “*she doesn’t know how to conduct herself when I am not here. She is not scheduled until she figures out how she wants to behave here.”. Despite the coworker in question literally building his entire inventory and website for him. We recently updated our POS and I had a customer call while I was doing the float, so I answered. They asked me if we had any Deftones records. I put the float back in the till so we didn’t have it in the open. I said “oh we have Ohms and White Pony reissue.” I ran to the floor to check as I didn’t know the updates to the system. He then came over and said “Ok. The phone is supposed to be quick, we are supposed to find out what they want. ‘Deftones? Ok which one?’. You have to prompt the customer and lead them.” I tried telling him that the customer was listing off what they were looking for. And he says “I just feel like we’re not jiving today ok? *coworkers name* Why don’t you go help (me) understand the POS. I don’t think he understands how to work it.” (despite me being the one who has used it the longest). I rolled my eyes because despite being so adamant about my pronouns and literally outing me to other people he is the one who misgenders me the most. He then said “Did you just roll your eyes?” and I said, “I just think it is a little frustrating that you tell me how important my pronouns are but you constantly use the wrong ones.”. He then says “Ok you have to understand that this is new to me. Ok? This is not something I am familiar with and I am just trying to learn, you need to correct me when I do something wrong.”. He then showed me and the other coworker how the POS works. I saw that we had 2 copies of Deftones – Ohms listed despite only having one in our inventory, as I just sold the other. The way I punched it in didn’t update our stock. I asked him if we could just redo the purchase and punch it in still. He then started to get flustered and said “No you can just remove it from the database.” I cut in and said “no you do not understand my question I need this explained to me.” He once again just said “you just keep chiming in and giving lip service.” So I gave up. He then said, “You know, why don’t you just go home for the day. We’re obviously having a bad day.” On my way out I don’t remember what prompted it but I said (just like he told me to speak up when he does something wrong), “I just think its frustrating that you outed me to someone. I wasn’t ready for her to know. You took away something from me by doing that, you don’t understand how scary that is for me to hear.” to which he replied, “No, it is my duty to make sure everyone in the store knows ok? Everyone has to respect your gender.” to which I replied, “No you don’t understand, I do not feel comfortable with people knowing my gender yet.” (I do not look female). “I want to be the one to tell people when I am ready. Just because I have my pronouns on my Instagram does not mean I want everyone to know. People will know when I want them to know.”. He then said “No it is important that everyone respects your pronouns. Ok?” I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and that he was not being a good ally. He then proceeded to ask me for my key and sent me home. I asked him “are you going to be calling me back or not?” and he said, “…. yeah we will see.”
So I think I got hate crimed by an ally who isn’t open to suggestions? And sent home for correcting him as he asked me to do? Idk. Fuck tiny men who overcompensate for their height by being dickheads. I am aware I was giving a bit of attitude (I am really tired of him talking down and using my identity to collect brownie points.). But still, the straw that broke the camel's back was when I asked him to respect my identity.