I don’t know if this is the right sub but I need to get this off my chest. I am just so tired of living my life. Adulting is so difficult I often can’t sleep properly because my mind can’t stop thinking.
I am in my early 40’s and I live alone and I work in a hospital.
My work is a hell. Working in the hospital where they want you to work long hours for a pittance and expect you to do SO MUCH because we are understaffed and yet they don’t want you to make mistake because of patient safety. I feel bad for the all nurses to be honest, so much work for 12 hours plus an hour or so of unpaid ovetime, dealing with abusive patients that expect you to do everthing for them.
My pay isn’t much, that’s why I just rent a room instead of a whole house for myself.
I registered to be on the council house register but apparently living in a house-share meant you are not a priority, you are “adequately housed”.
Meanwhile the reality is I am struggling financially big time. The rent is now skyrocketing, that means almost half of my pay goes to room rent alone.
I skimp on all my expenses in fear of starvation or becoming homeless. Everything is just expensive, even bus fare increases each year and there’s no pay rise. How are we suppose to survive living. My payslip shows total deductions are a third of my pay, tax, national insurance, pension, student loan etc.
Looking for an even cheaper rent is a hell of an experience for me. It’s either the place is just inhabitable, located in a dangerous area, or just too far from your work etc. Plus, it is becoming difficult to find a house share if you reach a certain age (age discrimination sucks).
I am too tired. I sometimes think of just one day walk out from work or from where I am and walk endlessly until I get into a spot where it’s too cold my body will just die from the cold or walk in the dessert and also just die from heat stroke. At least I don’t have to experience all this stresses in life anymore. Or just drink multiple cups of espresso to induce heart attack. I love my life and I like living but if government is not helping us to control prices (rent, food, transportation etc) and expect to take a third or half of my pay, I might as well don’t exist. It’s just too much to bear.
Being poor sucks. The world is becoming difficult to live in for the poor. I just read on the news today that there is now rampant theft of food in supermarkets in Canada. No wonder if you go to supermarkets now, some items have security tags on them. At first I was like, how dare they stealing in the supermarkets? Then I realised oh yeah I can sympathise. With soaring food prices, people just want to survive. I also notice, even when I go to Poundland (UK dollar store), there are covert security personnel roaming around checking on everyone, least people steal £1 cake.
I love my work but the insane expectations are out of this world. Understaffed, underpaid, the danger (physically, mentally and emotionally) that comes from abusive patients and the insane amount of workload. I'm too tired of all these. If only we are fairly paid, I'd be able to swallow my pride in dealing with abusive patients.