Context: I've been with my company for over a year plus, and I've been delivering quality work, sometimes at the expense of my mental health as my direct manager doesn't have my field of knowledge in what I do, so he can't really give feedback on what I do. So it's been myself and google, to do the best I can to get work done.
Recently my mum passed and grief really does hit you like a truck when you least expect it to.
Prior to her passing, when she was sent to the hospice, I had requested to WFH. My manager took a while to reply and I didn't appear at work despite it being a mandatory day to be at work. Subsequently, I decided to take sick leave instead as I didn't sleep well the previous night.
Whilst I had explained to both him and his manager about the situation, both of their responses were as such, “you told me you're WFH but you told the team that you're sick??” “are you actually sick?” “yes, instead of using your sick leave, you should use your annual leave instead and concentrate on your personal problems or else your work quality will be affected”.
That was when I realised, they didn't care for me at all or how I felt.
After coming back from my sick leave, we had a team meeting. (Side note that I have a colleague who's particularly critical. She's always been that way, I don't enjoy working with her at all.) During the team meeting with both my manager and my manager's manager present, said colleague openly accused me of not doing my fair share of work and suggested that more work be added on my plate. This was despite me sharing with the team that I had a family emergency to attend to before I took my leave. This was especially frustrating to deal with as I had done my fair share of work (or even more as I was handling 2 roles), but whether my manager had acknowledged it was another question. I took the liberty to have a conversation with her about this to understand more and the matter was worked out.
2 months after my mum's passing, I had a performance review (we have it twice in a year). In this performance review, there were some red flags based on the questions and feedback my manager gave.
First, there is an evaluation section where we evaluate ourselves for the last 6 months. He was particularly amused and scoffed at what I evaluated myself as a “problem solver who derives at the best solution”. And he added that it was funny because he's had complaints from colleagues about me. Really? Complaints about me?
Next, he had a, what he called a “personal question” for me and the reason he had to ask was because his manager did the same with him as well (albeit in a more concerning way). “For the past 6 months, when all of this happened, where was your mind focused on? Your family or your work?”
Ridiculous way of phrasing a question esp for a grieving employee. At that point of time I tried to be as professional as I could. But after processing it a day or so later, it has been bothering me a lot. I decided I was done with my time here at the company and resigned. And guess what? The email sent out for my resignation, has no mentions about my contributions or appreciations for my hard work or anything like that. It was along the lines of: unfortunately, ______ is leaving, wish her the best etc etc”.
I was initially quite upset with all of this, but after typing this out, I feel slightly better and I think this people are stupid. Wait till it happens to them, let's see how they deal with it then.
Thank you for taking the time to read this long-ass post.
TLDR; My manager didn't handle the situation of my mum's passing well and my colleagues also decided to throw me under the bus.