TLDR: I called the crisis number 988 while in a deep depressive state and the crisis rep said “sounds like you need a second job”
I had a very interesting call to the crisis hotline today, after struggling for 15+ years with the stigma of mental health for men being a bad thing, I finally decided to call the crisis hotline to discuss all my overwhelming feelings of dread, self-loathing and hatred for myself as well as disclosing my mentally abusive relationship with my parents that resulted in me disowning them, a debilitating GI issue that results in blood loss through my stool, and the fact that I feel like a complete and utter failure because I just cant seem to become gainfully employed anywhere beside amazon and its a job I absolutely hate with no potential to move ahead, only constant labor and unreasonable quotas to fill, meanwhile literally everyone else I associate with has great paying jobs and a great quality of life, and this also causes me to hate and despise myself even more because it makes me wonder why the people that I know (who are younger and have less professional/people skills then me) are able to get good jobs, while I can't get hired anywhere beside an amazon loser.
I also told her that I hate the current state of the world and the inequality and that no matter what I try to do to better my lot in life such as apply to better jobs, learn new skills through an apprenticeship, or even join the military it never gets better, and all those things end up denied anyway.
I ended by saying how frustrating it is that even though i'm an eagle scout who is also a very kind empathetic individual (I occasionally pay the toll for the person behind me if I have it, I feed the homeless when I can, I always bring an extra meal with me to work in case someone forgot theirs as well as countless other small acts of kindness I try to accomplish each day) I am tired of constantly being shit on by the universe and feeling this so depressed.
And this is where it gets interesting, I kid you not, the crisis center attendants response was, “it sounds like you need a second job”
I was shocked and I immediately hung up the phone on her, like wow why didn't I think about that one, meanwhile I had already told her that I cant get employed. I don't know if I am just overly shocked by this response but I feel that it was a very unnecessary response.
I don't want to make millions I don't even want to make 100,000 because I don't need to live a lavish life because it seems ridiculous to me. I honestly don't need a benz, or the next model phone, or I don't need to eat at a different restaurant every night, I also know this is an unpopular opinion but I don't even want a house and I am perfectly content with renting my small place im currently in. In all reality I just want to be able to pay my bills, rent, food, and gas and take a nature walk here and there when im bored.
But alas I cant even have that because all the money that I work for goes directly to rent, gas, food, bills and tolls. and as much as I work my electric is still behind and it just keeps accumulating. All I do on my days off is lay in my bed and take depression naps or wallow in my despair because that's all that capitalism allows me to do.
I fucking hate it here and I just find it wild that this country is so adamant to fit work into every facet of society that telling a person in crisis to find a second job like that will help.