(32m bi)Family was always distant shit, disowned em(20-30's). Joined the navy out of hs, knew I'd fail at college cuz my adhd and depression and trama. Honorably discharged at 10 years from a dui(complicated, I'd asked to go to treatment before so no leeway for command) still no (new)family, still no friends, still no hope. Even managed to find a decent job in the last year, but suicidal ideation has fried that bridge. Austin (hometown) is too expensive now and my skillset will never get me out of month to month life, so I'll buy a trailer and live on the road & $1900mo I get from navy disability, only leaves about 200 ish a mo maybe after expenses but at least I can bounce between the national parks before climate change takes em, vets get in for free!. I'd hope to keep it up long enough for my dogs to enjoy their golden years as we travel, they're the only reason I've gotten this far anyway, they deserve it. They'd go, or maybe something happens to the truck or trailer, and I'd stopped being able to afford the insurance and they were in repo anyway. Somewhere I'd bury whichever of my girls went last. Go find a nice spot and just wait. I just hope I'm able to find some serenity before then. Idk 6-8 years from now if goes well, maybe 10.
I just feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit the available system, there's so much help, but nothing for me. and even though it makes my ribs feel like they'll break(just like they have since I was a boy), I'm fine with it. I'm just not going to pretend I can do any better, because that hurts even more, and I just can't anymore.