I think I’m asking for advice but might also just want to vent.
I’ve been working for this company for almost 3 years. I’m really good at filling in and helping wherever needed, to the point where I’m the only one one who can help one particular department.
A year ago I got a promotion to a position that literally no one else wants. Before I got it, it cost the compay literally 4 people. They took the job, then quit the entire company because it is so stressful horrible.
When I took the job the operations manager agreed that I needed a back up. I’ve had someone designated to help me whenever needed since the beginning.
What I’m trying to accomplish with this back story is I have always helped when asked, and also my job is hard and stressful, and everyone knows it.
Now the issue is, my brother was shot and killed 2 months ago, right before Christmas. Now I’m sure anyone can imagine, I’m going through a hard time.
In the beginning everything seemed fine. I was able to leave early when I was too overwhelmed to work. But I noticed I was getting push back if I asked for help.
3 weeks ago I got COVID. I couldn’t have gotten it from anywhere besides the office. That’s when I noticed things were getting pretty weird. They didn’t tell anyone I had it, and with the brain fog I didn’t think to double check.
I was also informed by my coworker in the department only I am trained and skilled to help with that had I not needed to clock out for an hour and rearrange our quarantine (due to someone else testing positive) my manager was going to ask me to cover for them, even though I wasn’t allowed to ask for help
So I wasn’t able to ask for help, and I was being bombarded by my coworkers to help them with this and that. Once I felt better I just kind of assumed it was all a misunderstanding and things would move on.
Before I got COVID I had been trying to be able to work from home. I finally got my doctors note (from my therapist) and was able to sign an agreement to work from home.
The next day after signing it, and already beginning to move my stuff home, was told by HR that actually we would need to check in after a month. I was irked but figured it wouldn’t be a problem.
One issue I forgot to bring up is they had just gotten rid of the room I was provided to take my insulin and blood sugar. That was fine enough since I would be working from home. Not sure how to bring this up with out sounding like a dick. They can’t even provide reasonable accommodation for my physical condition. I don’t trust them with my mental health. I have spent hours crying at my desk these last 2 months.
So day one of working from home, I get an emergency request involving a death of a family member. Due to the unexpectedness and urgency of the request, I did begin to cry and panic.
I reached out to my supervisor since it was an emergency and I didn’t have enough time to calm down before I could call the customer.
My supervisor, and I’m honestly still not sure what happened, began to explain to me all the work I still needed to do, and how obvious it was I needed to call on the particular customer I just told them about.
Snapping after all the weeks of frustration of no longer being able to ask for help I began to have the biggest panic attack since I found out my brother died. I tried to explain to her as simply as possible that I’m having a panic attack. I cannot call the customer unless you want me to cry and scream at them.
She responded, telling me to clock out and take some time. I said okay.
I ended up taking an hour and half to calm down. I texted her and asked if I could clock back in and finish my 8 hours. She said yes.
The next day I’m still not happy with what happened, anxious about life and my job. For someone that day customer service representatives were up my ass. They were calling me on teams while I’m on the phone with customers with out asking me if they can call or even messaging me to tell me what they were calling about.
I’m being put in the middle of emergency situations as the middle man that I don’t have the time or emotional energy to help with. I’m making mistake after mistake. I’m getting messages from the customer service and the supervisors about the same mistake simultaneously.
I message my supervisor asking if I can work a half day the next day and make it up Saturday. Something I had just done when I was working when I had COVID.
She messaged me “ that’s alarming” and said she is having HR reach out to me. I’m panicking cause I’m not sure what I did wrong.
HR calls me, and please note HR is one person and I’ve obviously been more familiar with her in the last 2 months than the 2 years I’ve worked with her.
She’s coming hot. She says I worked a half day the day before, a half day today (it’s an hour and half before my shift ends) and I’m asking for a half day tomorrow. This is part of my performance and I’m not gonna be able to work from home. How I never asked for time off while I was in office. All this stuff that is just not true.
Now I’m very embarrassed but I was sobbing and panicking the whole call. I asked her why I wasn’t allowed to ask for help when I needed. She kept saying it’s okay if I need time off but I wanted to know if that’s true why was I in trouble for asking for time off?
Now I wish I had taken notes but I was too upset to think straight. She was rude! She was condescending and scoffed and belittled me the whole time. Basically after listening to me cry for 30 minutes and I asked her again why was I in trouble for asking for time off if it was okay if I needed time she said “you’re obviously too upset to talk about this so I will call you back tomorrow”
Then out of nowhere I get a message from my supervisor asking if I need help. I ended up getting help on 2 phone calls that were not due for days.
The next day I talked to HR again and she said my supervisor said I could take the half day but never heard from her still.
She tried to rush me off the phone but I wanted to make sure she knew I tried to look up my requests in January for half days due to my being sad and overwhelmed and she just sounded annoyed that I even brought it up.
She mentioned at least 2 incorrect things and I made sure to let her know. And I think she was mad I corrected her.
I also would like to say I spoke to my therapist and she said it sounds a lot like retaliation for wanting to work from home.
Now I don’t want to be rude, but I also think I deserve to be able to work from home but still be able to ask for help if I need it.
HR had mentioned multiple times that I can take time off or move to part time but I will lose benefits. I finally asked her if she has ever had to pay for insulin with out insurance. She confirmed she had not.
My partner and SIL want me to report the company but I’m not sure how or what to expect if I do. In my emotional haze I did apply for a few jobs in indeed but we are trying to move in a few months to be closer to my nephew.
So I’m at a loss of what to do. Sorry for the rambling, can answer any questions.