Hi all, as the title states I've just started my job and am 4 months in. I'm incredibly exhausted with little time to relax. Commuting takes over 1 hour. I currently live in an abusive household, have C-PTSD and I'm trying to save enough to rent comfortably. How do people do this? My co-workers come in early and leave late. How is anyone truly living like this? Are we bots? Why am I to feel lucky to have 25 days of holiday, how is that a blessing? (Not to mention you can buy holiday at my company)
I've done exceptional so far but I feel like that means my exceptional work is expected as a standard so I'm expected to do more and more. I'm also nuerodivegent so it's incredibly exhausting keeping up with social cues/ I get over stimulated easily. This is the first work environment I've been in, I've tried to get a genuine insight from my manager about how I should be in the workplace but theres an evident wall between us since she obviously manages me. One thing I've struggled with is saying the right thing at the right moment, whenever we have large team meetings it's like the atmosphere shifts drastically? The 'big' boss will ask if anyone has something to say about the topic we are speaking about and theres such radio silence, I get incredibly uncomfortable with it and anxious but have tried to come out of my comfort zone and share my ideas. However, it still seems unsatisfactory as my co-workers look at me like I am not an equal as I am working on fixed term contract and am less experienced than they are. Am I supposed to say silent to survive? Then undermined because I don't share my ideas because I'm afraid? Its complex, confusing and exhausting. Everything is incredibly difficult for me right now, it is what it is but please give me tips/advice.