I handed my work laptop in before vacation because it was due for an upgrade. Someone somewhere forgot something so now I won't have access to anything until next week.
What's a professional way to say, your lack of planning is not my problem, no I'm not using my personal devices for work, no I won't be taking unpaid time off because I can't work without the laptop you were supposed to fix, and no I won't be reading “offline documents” on a (my) cellphone for 6 days.