Title. This may not be the subreddit but I am hoping for any advice.
I've been with my partner for 3 years. For all this time, he's always been taking his jobs seriously. It is mostly blue collar jobs and he's being paid well. Unfortunately though, his new job requires him to work 16-24 hours, and he will work those hours as the pay is closer to 300% for OT + off-office hours. Keep in mind these 16-24h shifts don't count his (unpaid) over 3 hour public transport trips in one direction.
I suspect it has something to do with him being raised in a very militant household and being deployed in the past. Currently, he's being the sole provider and caretaker of the house (his parent + sisters and their families incl. kids) and does all the cleaning, shopping, cooking and so on after his shifts. Last year he had some major trauma with loss of a very close family member, so I suspect it may make this mindset even worse; I have a very similar thing where I drown myself in work when I'm mentally unwell, but I also got very ill and burnt out from it. Any time I ask him how he does it, the answer is just “coffee and determination” and he's convinced it's a mental thing to just push through, even if he would fall asleep for a solid 48h+ hours after his shifts.
Recently I've noticed him getting more stressed and tired, I know from seeing the bags under his eyes he is working on fumes most of the time. But I don't know how to bring it up to him that it's not healthy for him in the long run, as he's convinced it's a mental thing and he can do it. How can I convince him it's not the flex he thinks it is, and how could I best support him (so he doesn't die from exhaustion)?