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Antiwork

Quit my job for another, feeling shame about abandoning my coworkers

I just wanted to get this off my chest because I keep ruminating and have all the feels. I was born poor. I have been working since I was 15, first on a state labor farm (I was institutionalized) and then at 18 after running away from home with a girl and child (we're still married, 15 years now). I've gone from unloading cargo at night, fry cooking, werehouse work, retail, assembly line factory worker and then Healthcare where I'd been for the last 11 or so years. When I started that job, I had minimum wage but full benefits and a matching 401K plan. 4 years into that job, our retirement plans were frozen and our benefits were stripped away. Despite this, I kept working. Coworkers came and went. I've seen some of them even pass away from old age and health complications. Regardless of the job, I bonded…


I just wanted to get this off my chest because I keep ruminating and have all the feels.

I was born poor. I have been working since I was 15, first on a state labor farm (I was institutionalized) and then at 18 after running away from home with a girl and child (we're still married, 15 years now).

I've gone from unloading cargo at night, fry cooking, werehouse work, retail, assembly line factory worker and then Healthcare where I'd been for the last 11 or so years.

When I started that job, I had minimum wage but full benefits and a matching 401K plan. 4 years into that job, our retirement plans were frozen and our benefits were stripped away. Despite this, I kept working.

Coworkers came and went. I've seen some of them even pass away from old age and health complications. Regardless of the job, I bonded with all my coworkers. Prior to my resignation, I had worked with who was left for at least 5 years.

Since Covid, things at the job went from bad to worse. 70% of my department quit. 6 months ago, so did my supervisor.

I stepped up and began doing the work of 4 people on my own (the department is split into two, I was the only machine operator). Because I already had over a decade of experience, everyone depended on me.

I knew how to do the work in such a way so that we were not working from punch in to punch out, and would have points in the day where we can slow down. Have some coffee, a cigarette, take a breather, then get back to it.

I was the one who kept spirits up. Always smiling, making inside jokes, playing harmless pranks and always reminding everyone to keep their head up, “almost done guys! Damn, we're good!”.

But after awhile, I became burned out. I assumed they were going to hire help for me, but administration upstairs saw what I was doing and told me that I don't need help. Basically:

“The work slowed down, that job isn't that hard, we can't budget another worker”.

From that point, I was quietly looking for new work.

One coworker, who I call “my mom”, is the only person who knew prior to my resignation that I was leaving. I was just confiding as I was nervous, but her smile faded, she asked why I was doing this, then admitted, “well, after I'm done crying, I'm going to quit too. I can't do this job if you're not here”.

This is essentially everyone's attitude. No one can operate the machines or even knows how. The one day off I have a week is always chaos for them, and when I come in the next day, I laugh through their apologies, tell th not to worry and get us caught up.

I got the call for the other job. I start Wed. April 12th.

I wrote a tearful resignation letter and out it in my ex-boss's boss's desk. I finished my shift (Mondays are the hardest, double the work) and made sure I finished my rotating weekend shift (we have no cover and have to manage it alone).

I gave no further notice, I just vanished after my shift. I wanted to take the week to sleep off my burnout and try to enjoy some time with my 4 kids and wife who I've been neglecting for over 2 years trying to cope with the work.

Add to that, this new job is 9 PM till 5:30 AM, for 14 years I've been working 6 AM till 3 PM. I need time to adjust to the new hours. If I finished my week, I'd be utterly exhausted and mentally unable to cope with the shift. I'm extremely overworked and burned out.

Today was my first day no longer working there.

I feel terrible.

I keep thinking about those poor guys and gals doing the work alone now.

I hope everyone will be okay.

I'm just trying to get this all of my chest. At home I'm all smiles. I want my family to know this is the best decision for us all and now Dad is going to be there for everyone like I used to be.

But I feel terrible and just wanted to say this.

One of my coworkers is a guy who's a few years younger then me (I'm 34) but grew up sheltered and still lives with his dad. He's an ok worker. Has a lot to learn and regularly leaves work behind when doing my shifts on my days off because he can't manage it.

We have each other as friends on our Nintendo Switch, I checked his profile today an hour after work, he's usually playing, but hasn't signed in since yesterday at 6 PM.

I keep thinking the poor guy must be too exhausted.

In the end, my decision to leave that very day is what is best for me, and yes, if administration did their job and properly staffed us it wouldn't even be an issue.

And yes, the job pays me handsomely (I'll be going from 15.50 with no benefits to $21 with full benefits plus 401K and paid CDL training) and is what's best for my future. No more 6 day work weeks and now I can finally be there for my family.

I'm doing everything as sensibly as possible.

So why do I feel like I failed everyone who depended on me?

I wish I could just bring all my coworkers to this new job with me…

Sorry for the sob story.

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