(I guess a lil vent post)
Been lately feeling like a failure because I dropped an entire career essential for a job that I honestly like a lot mainly because everyone else my age and high school is making so much more and seems so content.
My job has WFH 4/5 days and hella overtime but the pay is average (in NY). I LOVE it but 44k in NY is definitely not enough where I can feel comfortable. Saw the job opportunity and dipped from original career path (Education) where I would’ve made almost double (NY like the only area that pays well for education). Thing is, while I was interning at schools, I found myself abused by admins and overworked to the BONE. I found myself forfeiting my entire week for the sake of grading and lesson making and it drove me insane, often finishing at-home work mere hours before having to leave for the house. It honestly left me terrified of the field. So I ran, leaving 1 class left to my English bachelors—the student teaching (internship) would’ve satisfied that last credit.
I feel now that maybe all this “hustle culture” has essentially left me with a form financial brain rot where if I’m making a bajillion dollars by next week I’m inferior—which is just untrue. But still, I can’t help but feel trapped; I put so much money into a degree to pursue a career I was so sure of only to be left insecure in my future and my current career path. Maybe I can finish it and take it elsewhere but at the same time, I’m terrified now of putting myself back into a job that demands everything of me, clawing at my free time and my sanity.