I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and need some advice. For info, I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and autism, and have ME/CFS from COVID.
I accepted my dream job 18 months ago, with a boss I thought was sincerely wanting to improve things within the company, and really let me flourish. I should have spotted the warning signs of how many people resigned after a year of her joining (prior to me starting).
There is also a conflict. My family own a business and use this company as a supplier. My job in the company is to service other customers just like my family's business, but that account has been given to someone else.
This was known when I interviewed, and I signed all the paperwork to make sure I don't discuss internal stuff, not a problem. However it's now increasingly obvious that my family's business is being penalised because of my job. I'm being told that it's 'optics' and 'all these businesses talk, we wouldn't want them to think you're getting special favours, even though we all know you're not'. I try to deal in facts, do we deserve X reward based on sales volume? Apparently that's not enough.
This manager constantly talks to my customers without me around, agreeing to things I don't hear about until the customer tells me, and is happy to throw me under the bus at any opportunity.
The dream job is now causing more panic attacks, ripping out my hair from overly stimming and triggering the ME/CFS.
If I leave, everyone in the industry will know I failed. If I stay I'll probably end up harming myself. I feel like I have no value to any employer and can't see a way out. If you've been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your advice.