TW : Substance abuse/ Suicide
I was never super productive, but I worked on and off for many years. Never found a job I've loved.
Then at 25 I stopped working to take care of my sick dad who has since passed.
It's been a year and a half since that and I still haven't found a new job.
I've battled alcoholism (still in that one), poverty, mental illness, etc. In all that time.
I just can't cope. Job searching with these wages
.. with my brain… in this country. I'm over it.
I'm ready to check out. I'm not built for this.
I'm struggling to see a way out of this.
I'm mooching off my mom, and I feel terrible about it; but when I think of working my life away for so long without end…. I just can't handle it. I have panic attacks about this stuff. I just want to be free. And if I can't totally escape the tedium of work life then can it atleast provide better?
I feel numb and lost.
Why is it this way?