Sorry for the long post. I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about this for a few weeks now and finally feel ready to share. Would appreciate any advice or insight people might have. This sun has been a great place when I’ve been looking for advice in the past.
I quit my job a few weeks ago after years of abuse from management and constant micro aggressions and blatant racism from co workers. Recently my health began to take a rapid decline to the point where I was required to take medical leave ( unpaid as we are contract and non-unionized),I was in and out of hospital and I realized that being able to support my family back home, having a stable income and paying my bills wasn’t worth, loosing my hair, the rapid weight loss, the constant gaslighting and just over all stress from the job. It’s weird but I’m the closest I’ve been to homelessness, I can barely afford to eat and even though I’m stressed about what to do I’m still more at peace than I have been in the past 3 years. I love my job , being a nurse has always brought me so much joy I love my patients and the work I get to do is amazing but the environment is slowly killing me. When I quit my supervisor asked why I didn’t just file a complaint instead of leaving and I handed her over 100 pages of complaints I’ve filed over my time with the health authority highlighting the gross misconduct and harassment myself and other employees have experienced over the years and her response was everything I needed to affirm my decision to move on. I’ve slowly began applying for work but find myself crippled with fear and anxiety every time I see a health authority come up and from experience I know this is a trauma response and don’t know how to overcome this situation. There are so many people depending on me to get back to work and I can’t afford to not be employed but everything in me just wants to throw in the towel and give up. How do people that have experienced a toxic work environment that has left them completely empty find the courage to return to the work place ?