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Antiwork

First day of my old job again and my depression is back full force.

I quit my job as a maid at a hotel maybe 6 or 7 months ago, because my mental health was so awful and I could not handle it any more. Today I tried again, I got my job back recently, just 3 days a week for 6 hours a day. I am on disability also(1785 usd a month), and live with my parents in a European country so I am not on the street or anything luckily. I thought my mental health was better and I was “cured” but when I was walking down the hotel halls, the massive deep empty feeling and depression and derealisation all came back full force. My manager/boss is a mean girl type and was telling me I was too slow and all the mistakes I was making and bossing me around. And I just have to do what she says which is humiliating,…


I quit my job as a maid at a hotel maybe 6 or 7 months ago, because my mental health was so awful and I could not handle it any more. Today I tried again, I got my job back recently, just 3 days a week for 6 hours a day. I am on disability also(1785 usd a month), and live with my parents in a European country so I am not on the street or anything luckily. I thought my mental health was better and I was “cured” but when I was walking down the hotel halls, the massive deep empty feeling and depression and derealisation all came back full force. My manager/boss is a mean girl type and was telling me I was too slow and all the mistakes I was making and bossing me around. And I just have to do what she says which is humiliating, I am a free spirit and a rebellious person, it sucks. It deeply feels like I was not meant for this nonsense, I am supposed to be free and alone collecting herbs or a pirate or something, not this wage slavery! And some tourists left a very passive aggressive note complaining about dirty glasses in a room, and I had to clean up disgusting feminine hygiene products off the floor like someone threw it there. And then I overhear the other staff shit talk another coworker who had called in sick. Like, coworkers are so incredibly shady and two faced, they will act friendly and be sweet as long as you perform, but the second you don't they treat you like trash. It's disgusting. How the heck to other people deal with this stuff full time or more, this is so soul crushing, and my job isn't even that bad compared to others, it's the best job I have ever found so far. When I try to express these thoughts to others, they just tell me to “find some work I enjoy”… like WHAT? There is no such thing, it all sucks so bad. What I don't get also, is why people keep having kids if this is all there is to life. Why am I supposed to spend so much time doing this awful thing I hate, among people who see me as a product or a work horse and not as a person but only how fast I can clean… I hate this so much.

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