Categories
Antiwork

I have an untreatable brain growth, and at age 37, I have some reflections.

Fucking hell, I wasted my 20s doing whatever jobs that I ended up in until earning a master’s degree at 28 only to waste a few more years as a sellout careerist. That whole youth period which I should have been enjoying hard were the last good years, and I had no idea as they passed me by from one shift to the next or in the short time between shifts. I have always known that nature can sneak up and ruin you for no reason even if you “live right” like I do with no alcohol or drugs, a healthy diet, daily exercise, and adequate sleep, but as with every other victim of nature, I really did think that it was not going to happen to me because my temperance must be worth something, right? It was not. I am no longer working a “real job” as I no…


Fucking hell, I wasted my 20s doing whatever jobs that I ended up in until earning a master’s degree at 28 only to waste a few more years as a sellout careerist. That whole youth period which I should have been enjoying hard were the last good years, and I had no idea as they passed me by from one shift to the next or in the short time between shifts.

I have always known that nature can sneak up and ruin you for no reason even if you “live right” like I do with no alcohol or drugs, a healthy diet, daily exercise, and adequate sleep, but as with every other victim of nature, I really did think that it was not going to happen to me because my temperance must be worth something, right? It was not.

I am no longer working a “real job” as I no longer can function like I used to. I am fortunate enough to be able to fake it as a uni instructor in China until I die because I have the gifts of a master’s degree in any field plus a passport from what is perceived here as a desirable country for teacher origin, but everything is a blur now, and my body is on auto-pilot until this machine stops altogether. This will be my life for the rest of it, however long it will be (likely another few decades if the growth remains not growing as it has since first diagnosed a few years ago).

People say to not live with regrets, but I do have regrets now, chief amongst them is having wasted my 20s in unimportant jobs with neither life satisfaction nor livable compensation; a requirement because I was not born into good circumstances and therefore not prepared for young adulthood when I was thrown into it. I struggled for nothing, like so many people do, naively thinking that everything would eventually get better in my 30s.

Cheers, I will still be around for a while, but not really. Here but not here. If you are still young, fuck the future, it is possibly not going to happen, so go enjoy your youth or whatever you have left while you still can until you can no longer do so.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *