Well, almost all my eggs are in one basket. I haven't got my hopes up completely, but I really want to.
Backstory:
I'm a pastor. Or at least I was. Technically I still am, yet I've been struggling with my faith for a while and it's due to my last church. 2020 hit hard! It hit the church I was at like a freight train. The anxiety of Covid only multiplied the already present anxiety of having dwindling membership, declining giving, and the death of our biggest “champion”. Toss in there an affair among leaders and the storm was nearly perfect. When the anxiety became focused on me, I split. Long story about me leaving, but the main point is I left. I took a position in another field, one I've worked in before, but it's a toxic situation and it's hard on me emotionally and mentally.
Main Point:
That was 2020. I've only been to worship a handful of times since then. It's too painful. The emotions are still a little raw and I can't stop thinking about the past.
When I left the church, I swore I was done being a pastor. Just too many headaches heartbreaks, and struggles. Plus, I was feeling led in a different direction. I'm thinking of going back to school to be a licensed counselor, but with a kid in middle school and a wife, I'm not sure I can pull it off and I don't want to have even more student loans to pay off.
Well, I while I was looking for a new job, because my current one has a toxic environment, I stumbled on a position at the denominational office. I was intrigued. I did some sleuthing and found someone I could call to talk with about the position. The more they talked the more excited I got about the position. After the call I immediately dusted off the resume, contacted my references, and filled out the application.
The next day, the very next day, I get a call asking if I'd be open for an interview! The interview was a days away and I was super pumped! I spend the days learning as much as I could about the position and the program I'd be working with.
On the day of the interview, I completely goofed up. The interview was set for 1:00pm, but I didn't account for the time difference. I get a call at noon, asking if I was going to be at the interview! Luckily I was on lunch and working from home. I did my best Superman impression and changed clothes on my way to the computer. I get on and the interview committee is cool with the goof up! Super cool about it.
The rest of the interview went really well! We laughed. We engaged on a personal level. I answered all their questions as best as I could, and it seemed like they liked the answers.
That was last week. They had “other” interviews last week and a few this week. They said they'd let me know by the end of this week. I'm on pins and needles. I can't wait! I want to go all in and be super optimistic, but at the same time I know that might get my heart broken. I really really really want this job and not just because it would get me out of a toxic situation. I want it because it's a good fit and seems like something that would be life affirming and something that gives me energy rather than sucking my soul dry.
I really, really, want this job! I don't know what I'll do if I don't get it. There's not a lot of options around here and we can't move because my wife has a great job and our son is super connected to the community, as are we. Please, let me get this job!
Even if you're not religious, and can't relate with a pastor, I'm sure you can relate with being in a toxic work environment, feeling stuck, and needing to get out. I finally see a way out and it almost seems too good to be true. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket in case I don't get the position, but I having a difficult time holding back.
I want this job so much!!!