I was tempted to put this as a “NSFW” but thinking of what kind of sub this is.
A bit of context:
I am 32 Years old and have only a finished an Apprenticeship that took ~4 Years to finish when I was 26 and have otherwise not actually worked a proper Job in my life, only tried without success to get a higher education between 18 and 22 since I got only rejected from Apprenticeship Applications due to my average “degree”
In germany, we have unemployment benefits that give us a set amount of money to pay for rent and food and other necessity's depending on where we live due to Rent differences in certain Areas.
What we have to do in exchange is to try to find a live sustainable Job.
Thats how it works in theory.
I have these benefits since 2016 and somehow managed to not be bothered to much, which is irregular to say the least, since how strict it is varies heavily from State to State.
So I basically can live a more or less comfy life and use my time as my own for the most part with enough Money to spare for luxury's like a new gaming PC every 4-5 Years if I wanted to, not even counting the amount of games I buy within a year, since I know how to conserve the money that I get.
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I do seek however Psychological help and while we do have “free” Healthcare, to find a good and reachable one, feels like an impossible task.
And I try it on and off, since I just lose motivation to try anymore now and then.
I don't even know what I have, but the closest I can think of is depression due to a breakup that happened in 2016 OR “just” a case of Apathy for my life with Nihilist tendencies, without suicidal thoughts, just existing until my life ends and a dash of social anxiety.
I am also terrible with any kind of IRL conflict and cave therefore very easily.
I would even go so far that I may have some kind of Autism.
A highly Functional form of it, since topics and stuff that interest me sets me in a sort of obsession mode where I do it for days and try to perfect it until I start hating it or it starts to bore me.
I basically don't have a “dream” anymore to not be disappointed again or any specific or “normal” Aspiration or Goal in my life.
I do have however, some happy occasions in my life, which is small gatherings with family, gaming/playing with friends on the internet and the occasional uplifting Movie or Anime, going to Conventions about Gaming/Anime close by (which due to Corona was non existent.)
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This happened yesterday in my Self Help “Youth” Group from one of the Older Generation Members.
The Argument is:
“You are physically healthy and could work, so why are you not working ANY Job?
(referring to the laborious jobs my family complains about for years now)
Imagine in 10 years or suddenly tomorrow, you won't have unemployment benefit anymore, what would you do then? You think our Country can sustain this forever?
(The same country that somehow spend 100 Million for the Military ever since the Russian/Ukraine War suddenly)
If you never get any work experience how would you get money to sustain yourself if you have never worked.
So why are you using a system for people that actually need it when you are otherwise healthy?”
(Know, I tried to give the reason, but was not as elaborate as I was here, which already helped to reflect and counter it next time, should it come up again, remember I avoid conflict and confrontation)
Telling them that I don't know what to do with me, my life and a sheer lack of aspiration and motivation.
(Should have added, it would not do me any good to just do “anything” when I know/think I would hate it and feel even more miserable as a result, why would I need to mentally suffer?
Especially when everyone complains about their Jobs in my family constantly, but at the same time they feel obligated to do it, despite them not being treated well.)
But this person expects me to go trough a similar “hell” just cause in her mind it is the “right thing to do”.
She is usually a really nice person and she didn't say it with aggression or anything, but I still felt attacked by it.