I have been about a month in the company and it was fine up until today. It's not an easy job and I am New but I was doing OK and honestly enjoying work. Today was the worst day at work so far.
Me and some other coworkers were doing a couple tasks and we made some small mistakes that were not entirely our fault. My lead got a bit sarcastic and abrupt. I got so angry inside because of that. He made us revise everything again and gave me even more tasks to do. It was my fault too because I tried to do a few of them at the same time. My brain was a cluster fuck after a couple hours. I was angry and obsessing over that mistake I made (could be ocd related), I couldn't focus On my tasks or on the meeting we had later for a new upcoming task I will be working on. It was fucking terrible. At some point I started silently crying in the middle of a full office while working and could not stop at all. I had many thoughts of self harm, suicide, and even harming others. A coworker came to ask me something about the meeting and I told him I am unwell and that I needed to be alone. I think he was shocked. Maybe I was rude saying that.
I went to the bathroom and cried so hard 20 minutes before I clocked out. Another coworker messaged me to not feel sad and that we will get everything done. A woman came in the bathroom, saw my puffy Red eyes and asked me if I could move along so she can get some paper. Wtf. I truly felt sick.
Tomorrow I requested to wfh because I don't want to see their faces rn. I don't know what to do to feel better. I am still a mess. I don't know if that belongs here. There are so many worse stories out there and my problem is mostly my mental health. My other coworker got angry but didn't have a meltdown. My reaction was clearly disproportionate to what actually happened. I think it triggered some childhood trauma for me. I don't know why I am posting here. I feel absolutely terrible. These corporate work environments are toxic for normal folks but I feel like they can be absolutely devastating to people with mental health issues. Also yes I am on meds. I think I will be carrying my xanax with me for these kind of days…