For context: I started working at a pool company roughly four years ago. The company builds pools, services them, and has a retail store to sell chemicals and what not. I work in retail. I have never owned a pool so having to learn about how one works was difficult, especially since I was never trained properly, and had to teach myself on pool pumps, heaters, filters, etc. I also had to train 3 new employees on my THIRD day, felt like the blind leading the blind. Management is non-existent, and half the time retail staff has no idea what they are telling customers. They are also very toxic, talking shit about employees behind your back and to your face. Yelling at you if you are sitting down, or talking to a co-worker. If there are no customers, and nothing important to be done, we are told to “pretend to look busy”. I have pretended to look busy for entire shifts in the past, and it makes me feel like dying of boredom IS possible.
I live in Ontario, and minimum wage used to be something like $14 an hour. They recently raised it to $15.50 an hour. I have really bad depression and anxiety so part of me didn't really care about how much I made. I assumed all retail staff (except for seniors) would make the same wage. I also assumed there would be a yearly pay increase for returning staff.
However, now that I am a senior, I am questioning my pay. I have worked here for 4 years, my customer service skills are probably the best in the company. I treat customers with respect and I actually take the time to help customers with questions and issues. Most of the retail staff are dismissive and rude, or have no idea what they are even talking about. I have asked for a raise and more duties in the past, and what I got was a 25 cent raise and a title change. But nothing actually changed. PLUS, this “raise” happened sometime when minimum wage was raising regardless. So I feel like used minimum wage raising to hide the fact that I should've been getting paid more either way.
My friend who worked here before me was making $21 an hour. A coworker who started around the time I did is making $19 an hour. Hell, I was making $16 an hour at the job previous to this one.
After realizing how little I was making, I e-mailed my manager and HR. I said how ridiculous it is that I have been here for 4 years and am making less than people who just got here. I am now meeting with them on Wednesday to “discuss my pay in relation to my attendance and duties”.
I'm worried because though I work hard and am good at my job, I have called off sick semi-frequently in the past. Never really because I was actually sick, but because I could not get out of bed. At times I would fantasize about killing myself rather than go to work. My depression and anxiety would take control some days and it seemed there was nothing I could do. Its also an extremely toxic work environment where they make you feel like an idiot. My boss constantly belittles you, making you feel stupid for asking questions, etc. I never called off work often, maybe once every 2-3 weeks. It was also never on a busy day where I knew they needed me. Business here fluctuates like crazy, being a pool store and all. Some days we won't get a single customer. And I really didn't feel like sitting at a computer pretending to do something for 10 hours. Especially not for minimum wage.
I am meeting with HR and my manager on Wednesday and I am terrified. I know I deserve a higher pay wage, but I am scared they are going to use my absences as an excuse. I need advice, what do I say? How do I say it? My anxiety is through the roof and I am scared they are going to bully me into thinking I don't deserve it.