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Advice for dealing with a petty manager and a reference

Hi everyone. I’ve lurked in this sub for a while and it has inspired me to leave my job. I’ve been at this tech company for the past year, and I have grown tired of the micromanaging, controlling behaviour from superiors, and the general company culture. I’ve been discouraged from having small “how was your weekend” type chats with coworkers, witnessed coworkers berated and looked down on. Been talked down to and treated like I don’t know how to do my job despite being here for a year. It has overall contributed to me hating this job. It’s not a sustainable environment for me and I know it will be for the better once I leave. I am starting my job search, but I don’t know how to go about asking my manager to be a reference contact. She is the type of manager where you have to ask yourself…


Hi everyone. I’ve lurked in this sub for a while and it has inspired me to leave my job.

I’ve been at this tech company for the past year, and I have grown tired of the micromanaging, controlling behaviour from superiors, and the general company culture. I’ve been discouraged from having small “how was your weekend” type chats with coworkers, witnessed coworkers berated and looked down on. Been talked down to and treated like I don’t know how to do my job despite being here for a year. It has overall contributed to me hating this job. It’s not a sustainable environment for me and I know it will be for the better once I leave.

I am starting my job search, but I don’t know how to go about asking my manager to be a reference contact. She is the type of manager where you have to ask yourself “is she in a good mood today or do I need to avoid her at all costs?” I’ve had exceptional reviews from her regarding productivity but I can’t help but be anxious about the thought of asking for a reference. She is quite a miserable person and honestly I think she makes this place toxic. I worry that she will try to make my life a living hell once she knows I’m looking to leave. I luckily have a good relationship with my team lead and the prospect of asking her for a reference is less daunting, but I know that if this got back to my manager, she would probably be enraged by me “going behind her back”

How do I go about dealing with a petty/toxic manager and asking for a reference?

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