I had an epiphany today. I am almost 48 years old and I keep saying I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I started out getting good grades in high school and went to college and got good grades and then life just happened and I never really pursued a career. I tried a few things like I went in the Air Force but I got injured in officer training school and that kind of took me out of my field. After that I worked in some factories and went back to waitressing and then eventually I took some office jobs and usually wherever I was I ended up in some kind of supervisor or manager position. But I never really stuck with anything because I never really found anything that was worth sticking with.
I'm Gen X so the way we define ourselves is based on what we do for a job. I've had “kid” jobs like serving and bartending and always feel like I had to justify myself, I.E I was a single mom, the hours were what I needed, I couldn't take the time to find a career that paid the same as I was making at the time. I was identified gifted as a young child and it was always expected of me that I would do something great with my life making tons of money and making a huge difference in the world. The expectations were for myself as well as everybody else having them for me. I still feel at my age like I have to explain that I'm not an idiot because I work jobs that are not professional jobs. I feel like one of those stories people told their kids about what not to do with your life. I'm like that person people shake their head at that says “oh she had so much potential and she's doing nothing.”
I finally realized today talking to my husband that I don't fit into the typical mold of what a Gen X was supposed to do. I don't like corporate culture. I don't fit in with the little box they tried to shove us into. I work for myself buying storage units and selling stuff on ebay, making homemade wreaths and selling them on etsy, singing in a band we're trying to get going, and doing some medical transcription and doordashing. None of these things are making me tons of money but generally I am more content in my life then I would be if I was at a nine to five grind. I just had to remind myself that it's okay not to do what everybody else is doing and that I don't have to hold myself to the same standards that capitalist society says we have to.
For what it's worth, my husband thinks I'm amazing. He has no problem with what I do or searching for what I want to do. He's worked in offices his whole life and he said the reward he got for working hard was getting fired, company is closing down, Outsourcing to other countries or moving the country to other states. Kissing ass and working hard got him pretty much nothing so he doesn't see the point of me beating myself up for not participating in the game. In fact, his most recent tragedy was being one of the it Network Engineers who got let go at Amazon after they made record profits. So even him with all his experience and playing the corporate game he is now looking for a job at 53.
My question is for those of Gen X – Am I the only one who feels guilty for not doing what everybody else is doing? Am I the only one who feels like I'm not good enough because I'm not working the 9:00 to 5:00?
TL:DR anyone else in Gen X never participate in the corporate grind now feel like we messed up or we aren't worth anything/wasted our lives?