I'm struggling so much with these concepts. I cannot figure out how to work in a way where I don't feel like my job requires me to be a low paid actor (not literally, but metaphorically.) I'm a woman in my 30's, heading towards my 40's, and it's just the idea of having to be on this constant journey of selling myself to other people and having to pretend to be happier with the situation than I am is frankly disgusting and tiring. I've tried so many things job-wise, and the pivots never ever work out. I've done a bit of schooling, but once I get to the interview process, I really get deeply stressed.
I've considered so many things work-wise to pursue, but I never find a real “fit.” Many of the jobs I've been in have been terrible, and I don't really last long because my mental health deteriorates rapidly. I know I have to take the blame for this; maybe I don't integrate with other people well, and I'm just essentially defective. But why is it this way? I'm not having any fun at the moment without a job, but it's this…vicious individualistic culture in office jobs where people are just stepping on you to climb up that upsets me. More than that, I am sensitive to being exploited.
I am lost, and I don't know where to go at this point with life.