Its become more text than expected, but please bear with me,
For the last 15 years Ive been working in the field of security in different capacities which were high stress and have demanded a lot of me mentally. From 2015 onwards I focussed on analysis of (islamic motivated) terrorist propaganda and because of that I was exposed to a lot of material containing extreme violence. This eventually caused me to collapse, during the covid pandemic which was the last straw, with ptsd and a burnout in 2020. I got back to work in early 2021 and started doing volunteer humanitarian work for Ukraine (driving goods to Poland, getting refugees out etc.) which quickly demanded a lot of me again. The adrenaline of the work kept me going, but in May of last year I realized it was way too much too soon to take on so much work again. So I scaled down the volunteer work and eventually was able to settle my contract with my employer in a mutual beneficial way (I just cant do the work anymore, Ive seen enough). I applied with the Red Cross and started working there in August of last year, while waving goodbye to my old employer in the security field. They had a pleasant surprise for me in the form of a 'farewell, bonus, bag of money' which I received in late september.
After doing several months of coordinating 600 volunteers with the Red Cross I started to stumble again due to stress building up, again. This is because I still hadn't adressed my behaviour and mental processes and had gone on like I had before my burnout started. After some hard thinking, because I did very much enjoy my new job with the Red Cross, I decided to put in my papers after only 4 months in late November of last year, since the bonus I received from my old employer allowed (and still does) me to live off my savings for 12 months.
I found a very good coach to work on my mentals and behaviour and have been able to get back into the gym (which I still do). By this point Im miles ahead in terms of positive thinking, different behaviour/coping and new mental processing compared to last autumn, its been great really =D.
But here's the thing. Its only been 1,5 months that Ive been really 'free' of any responsibility, but the last couple of weeks my family and friends have been coming out of the woodworks, constantly asking me 'when will you go back to work'. Giving me unwanted and not asked for advice as how 'going back to work will be so much better for you, because you will have a rhytm in life again!'… My rhytm is perfectly fine, thank you very much. I wake up in the morning, I go to the gym, I spend my afternoons reading books, watching documentaries I enjoy, studying history, building little plastic models or focus on improving my mental processing and behaviour via exercises my coach has given me.
I already told my loved ones several times, in friendly fashion, that Im enjoying life very much, that I am feeling happy! Something I havent felt or been in so many years that I cannot even remember when I last felt this good about myself and life (its really nice to no longer be in a depressed dark pit really, Im actually pretty proud for having achieved that). I dont want to be rude to my friends and family, but really, I just want them to 'F' off whenever they start about me going back to work and finding a new job. Its great to be happy, feeling calm and relaxed, feeling good about myself and to be in control of my own life. But here's these people trying to reform the blocks of concrete on my legs that have kept me down in life for a long time. By now Im noticing how I am telling them that 'yeah it may be time to get back to work, you're right' just to be rid of the argument. While my gut is telling me: Nono, you stay right where you are, this is what you need right now.
Can anyone give me advice or tips on how to break to my loved ones that I am able to take care of myself and only I will decide when I will get back to working, without having to be rude. Because up to this point I have been unable to get through to them by telling them what I described above. Thanks a lot, its appreciated <3.
Regards!