I just need to vent.
I’m going to preface this post by saying that I’m currently in a long distance relationship, looking to close the distance in about a year (k1 visa timeline changes all the time so we don’t really know) and while it’s the happiest relationship I’ve been in, it’s also the most emotional one and I often feel sad that we are far apart.
I work as a recruiter, I honestly dislike it, but I studied two bachelor’s degrees that I ended up hating and it was easy to get a job in HR. It’s also a huge International company with amazing benefits and great pay and they offer more vacations than the national standard. I also work 100% remotely. Ngl I’m pretty comfortable, or I was until I got promoted over half a year ago.
I love my team, they’re amazing people and we often set up Zoom calls just to spill some tea and complain about work. My current position is also easy-ish but I don’t feel capable for it and it’s more time consuming than my last one. At my last position I knew everything there was to know about it. I was one of the first members in the newly created team and quickly got promoted to manager of that team. Whatever question the higher ups asked me I knew the answer to, I implemented lots of projects, initiatives and drove the team to be the best performing one in the area, we were always getting praised and whatnot. And I decided to accept the promotion because in some way I felt like my work there was done and I was ready to take on a new challenge.
I was wrong 🙂
I feel like I’m doing everything wrong, I’m always messing up and I’ve made so many mistakes. My new manager is so lovely and nice and understanding, but I beat myself up. I’ve tried hard to learn and put in the effort, but I see no results.
This feeling got worse because my manager is currently on vacation and she left me in charge, I thought this was my chance to prove myself, but I’ve messed up more than ever and I feel awful.
Even worse, I myself recently came back from visiting my fiancé and coming back home is always sad and tough, but this time it was awful. I cried for days after and couldn’t focus on anything. Right now all I’m focusing on is reading, writing (I love to write and I’m currently working on my first novel), gaming and ofc whenever our visa will be approved and trying to spend time with my fiancé (texting, video calls, etc) and I feel so apathetic to work. I literally dread my mornings and turning on my laptop. It also doesn’t help that I have two sr managers on my a$$ all the time and they won’t let me catch a breath. I’m just so done and so ready to quit. But I tell myself that I should do it for the money, save so I can sustain myself in a new country and don’t have to depend on my fiancé, but I’m at my wit’s end.
This was all over the place but thank you for reading <3